Action! Adventure! Quilting!

My mouth is on fire and my belly is full of som tam and cha yen (spicy papaya salad & Thai iced tea). Pok Pok Noi, a satellite branch of the wildly popular Thai restaurant Pok Pok, has opened up just a 15 min. walk down the street from my apartment. Oh man, it's good stuff! It's about 10 times more expensive than the same food would be in Thailand... but I must admit there's also 100% fewer cockroaches. It was so nice to sit at a table on the sidewalk with my mouth quietly burning as tinny strains of Thai country music poured out from the window beside me. Good times.

Oh, it's nice to be home, and it's nice to have that little taste of nostalgia right up the street, but man my life has been a bit low on action and adventure lately. It's been an ongoing cycle of studying, work, studying, class, studying, laundry, studying, and sleep, occasionally interrupted by an awkward date with an unsuitable gentleman. Livin' la vida aburrida baby!

BUT! That's all about to change. It's summer! Well, it's almost summer, and I've got plans. I decided not to take Spanish 202 this summer, and to just pick it up again in the fall. The up side of this will be a nice long vacation from conjugations, indirect object pronouns and wondering if the table is masculine or feminine. The downside of course will be that when I start classes again I will not remember anything about conjugations, indirect object pronouns, or whether the table is masculine or feminine.

To combat this summer brain-drain I thought I might try to find a Spanish conversation group to meet up with. But last week, an even better opportunity arose. The brother of one of the Spanish teachers at my college came to our class and gave a presentation about Costa Rica... he has a tour agency and organizes educational/cultural tours of Costa Rica for students every year. They stay a few days with local families, spend a day river rafting, take Spanish classes, explore the rain-forest, and visit an indigenous community. Oh yeah... and they spend about half the trip in little cabanas a short walk from white sand beaches on the Caribbean Sea!

I think it took me about 12 seconds to decide that I was going to go. Really all I did was flip through the packet he'd handed out until I found the price, confirmed that it wouldn't put me in debt, then spent the rest of his presentation imagining myself beach-side with an umbrella drink in hand. Yeah. I'm going to Costa Rica this summer. Pura Vida Baby!

I've made peace with the fact that I'm never going to save enough money to be able to buy a house. Travel is a priority in my life and as long as I'm not putting myself in debt to do it, that's what I'll be spending my money on. w00t!

In other news, now that my class is wrapping up, I've started quilting again. Expect a quilting post shortly.

Yay summer!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

YUM!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays (the other being Independence Day), and I'm super excited to get to celebrate it in the US, and with a family I used to do Thanksgiving with back in college. It's not home, but it's the next best (or possibly better) thing. =)

And I'm baking! Despite my Sunset Breads cookbook being locked safely in a friend's basement, I decided to make challah. I summoned the gods of the internets (posted on a forum) and aquired the measurements for the ingredients & baking temp/time. I mean, I know how to make this bread...just wasn't sure of the numbers.

Then, last night as I was going through some of my old pictures I found this one:

And I cracked up, because even though I'm making onion bread (and presumably my roasted veggie-basil soup) in this picture, the cookbook is open to the challah page. =) And thanks to the obscenely high level of resolution on the camera I had at the time, I was actually able to enlarge it enough to read the recipe.

THIS! This, my friends, is why I support the photo-documentation of all cooking / baking endeavors. Because one day, you may be recently returned from overseas adventure, miles away from your favorite cookbook and need (yes NEED) to make your favorite dish.

At this moment I'm hanging out at Starbucks as my challah dough goes through it's first rise*. Let me tell you, I haven't mixed dough by hand in a good long time, and I miss Betty dearly. But I am extremely thankful for the strength in my arms, digital photography, the best laptop a girl could ask for, a well stocked kitchen, a loving (and endulgent) friend to stay with, and a 100% American Thanksgiving meal in my forseeable future!

I am also thankful for all my cyber-friends who have supported me this past year (or longer!), and wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving filled with both kinds of stuffing & plenty of gravy on top. =)


*well, I decided to start it with a sponge this morning which I let rise as I showered / got ready, but this is it's first *official* rise with all the proper ingredients mixed in. I'm not sure this recipe is meant to be started with a sponge, so encorporating the eggs, oil & remaining flour was a bit tricky.... and sticky.... and very very messy!


**Edited to add a picture of the little challah I made. This was consumed in about 4.7 seconds by the two of us. This was like a sacrificial challah to keep us away from the big challah I made for tomorrow. =P

Safe & Sound in SF

I'm here in San Francisco, my flights were long but uneventful... and unsleepful. I'm really happy to see J again and am happily installed on the futon in her living room. The fridge is stocked with cheeses & Dr. Pepper. There are about a dozen different magazines in various stages of cheesiness on the coffee table. There's CARPETING! So far I haven't really experienced any reverse culture shock... just a sense of "Yes! This is how things are supposed to be!" you know, like you're supposed to be able to walk on sidewalks and not have to walk in the street to avoid the street vendors / welders / rats / etc. on the sidewalk. The cross-walks crack me up... we actually stopped at a 'don't walk' sign with only about one moving car in sight.

It's COLD. Well, cool - about 54F when we landed... but walking home from the BART stop I needed to zip my jacket... then a few blocks later I had to pull one of my pashminas out of my bag to wrap up in. We walked a good half mile and I DIDN'T SWEAT! That was refreshing. When J went to work I took a good long nap - under about three blankets. Her apartment is really cozy, and I'm enjoying that tremendously.

Tomorrow I start with the job hunting... wish me luck!

nothin' but love

I don't have a TV, so I was glued to the BBC news website all morning. When the counter flipped over to 299 I literally burst into tears, and have been tearing up all day. I'm so happy. I'm so proud of my country. I'm so excited about what this means to America, to Americans, to the world.

I know that one man can't solve everything that's wrong in the US, but I think electing this particular man is a step in the right direction. Hope... that's exactly what I have right now. Hope.


A very special TAG for today: APPLE PIE!!!

Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep

One of many golden Buddha statues.

This weekend I decided it was time I ventured a bit beyond my residence and actually did something fun. The temple Doi Suthep is just outside Chiang Mai, up on a hill overlooking the city. It's relatively cheap (free for the locals though!) and really easy to get to from my residence so I could justify it even on my current no-frills budget.


I walked out to the main road and hailed a Songthaew. I told him "Doi Suthep" and he asked "one way or two ways?" and I said "one way" thinking it wouldn't be too hard to get another Songthaew home. But apparently there was something else he was trying to communicate, which of course I couldn't get. So he motions for me to sit in the cab with him, instead of going in the back like normal. I do, and it's really quite novel. From the front seat you can actually *see* where you're going!


He took me to just about a block past my school, pulled over to the side of the road and pointed ahead to another Songthaew. Ah! Songthaews don't just take one person up the hill, you wait at this little stop until there's 6-8 people, then we all go up together. I had to wait a bit, but actually not that long. What Chiang Mai lacks in formal public transportation systems they *more* than make up for it with the tuk-tuk / songthaew industry. I think they're technically regulated by the government, but on an individual level they're really independent & go where-ever you need to go.


Anyway we didn't wait that long until there were enough people to get going. It was 80 baht for a round trip, and the driver indicated that we would have 1 hour at the temple. There was a French couple that wanted to stay for more than an hour, so they had to work something out. I thought about doing something similar, but then decided an hour would be fine - I do have work to do this weekend afterall.

Hazy view of the hill from behind the temple.

The drive up the hill was something else! On the one hand it very strongly reminded me of taking the bus up my hill to work/home in Portland. It was a very windy road with a lot of trees & greenery on either side. Just swap out the palm trees for fir trees and the bamboo with ferns. =) But I felt very much like just around the corner I'd see home. LOL. But it was also completely different from taking the bus in Portland. For one thing it was *much* faster. Seriously, it was a bit terrifying. He was just whipping around this way and that through all the turns. The back of the songthaew is wide open, so in theory, you really could just go flying out. I held on to the 'oh shit' bar that runs the length of the car along the ceiling. But one guy started looking a bit sick, so he actually *climbed out* of the car! He stood on the little step at the back and hung onto the ladder thing. I could *not* believe it. The Thai do not generally seem to be afraid of dying in a car accident. But that's a whole 'nother post.


It was a beautiful, if slightly scary, ride up the hill. Then we got dropped off at the front gate, and the driver gave us a little slip of paper with the number of the songthaew on it (and I believe a cell phone) so we could be sure to get home.

This is the beginning of the 306 steps up to the temple. I declined to take the stairs because my knee has been bugging me and instead paid extra to take the funicular. Oh, and all along the road here there are food carts and people trying to sell you stuff. I just smile and keep walking.

Children playing traditional music (actually just getting set up)

In the outer courtyard there were some seats where you could sit and watch kids perform traditional music & dance. I think one of the missions of this temple is to help educate poor kids, and simultaneously keep traditional arts alive. I sat and watched a little girl do a traditional dance. Here's about 30 seconds of it.




In the inner courtyard there was a huge gold-leaf covered chedi (not sure what exactly that is), a big gold oniony-dome looking thing... but there was scaffolding all around it. People were holding flowers and walking around it praying.


I bought some flowers thinking it would be easy enough to lay them on the alter, but then I watched and started feeling really self conscious. There's kneeling & bowing and waiing and burning of incense. I would have felt more brave if other farangs were participating, but it was a little strange. The Thai people all seemed to be worshiping whereas the farang were mostly looking around. But it's like supposed to be a tourist destination... there are official photographers walking around offering to take your picture next to this photo op or that one. I had asked if it was okay to take pictures, and the Thai folks were talking & taking pictures too... so it was kind of an interesting blend of sacred space & tourist spot. It was actually really peaceful.


I guess it could equate to visiting Notre Dame. I mean, when I was there I took pictures, but I also lit a candle & prayed. Obviously though, in a church I have a better understanding of what the rules are. So after watching for a while, I knelt down and put my flower on the offering table. I made a very self conscious attempt at a wai, but skipped the incense all together. Knowing me, the risk of setting the whole place on fire was just too great! =P


There were a couple of seperate buildings around the sides, and inside people would go in and pray. In this temple, there was a monk saying a blessing. I waited outside until they were done and then got this picture.

Several gold covered Buddha statues.

On the right those things on sticks are paper flowers, somehow people fold money into the stick and leave it as an offering. There were a LOT of places to leave money. Some of the boxes had specific charities listed on them, but most were in Thai. One had what looked like a UNICEF symbol on it. Some of them specified that it was for the overall upkeep of the wat (temple). So I guess even though the Thais get 'free admission' they probably end up contributing a lot more money than the farangs do.

This is the back, of one of the smaller temple buildings. I just can't get enough of the architecture. The colors don't come through that great because it was really overcast, but that gold against the blue was brilliant.

I don't think "Mom" means the same in Thai as in English. ;)

So that was Doi Suthep. There was actually a lot more to see (lots of little alcoves with gods & goddesses I couldn't hope to identify) but I only had an hour before my songthaew went back. I'll go back another day and make sure I have time to see everything. Before leaving though I stopped at a food vendor - someone was grilling sweet corn-on-the cob. YUMMERS! It was super tasty, and only 15 baht. On the ride back to town there was a couple from San Francisco on the songthaew so I chatted with them for a bit. It's weird to talk to people who are here on vacation while I kind of live here. They were telling me about this fancy 'traditional northern banquet' they went to, and I was telling them where they could get 30 baht fried rice with the college kids. =P

Ok - that was my fun for the day... back to work now!

Quite a complimentary day

Today was good. Today was awesome in fact... and only partially due to food this time. ;)

I'm enjoying our input sessions - when we teachers in training learn about teaching. It's great to be in a learning environment again - especially with other intelligent people. Particularly with other intelligent people with charming accents. =P

A good start. I was pretty hungry at our first break so I went across the street to the food vendors and grabbed some Papaya... then I walked down a ways and saw a little bakery cart. This woman was selling what looked like genuine, authentic, from a duncan-hines-mix brownies! I had to get one... but then I thought - it would be cruel to withhold something like this from my fellow ex-pats, so I bought little bag of 6 for about a $1.50 (I can't believe how much I used to spend on snacks in the US - insane!). It was an *instant* hit. The other American hadn't had chocolate of any kind in at least 6 months, and some of the other students had been similarly deprived of brownie goodness. It was heaven. Not only was it awesome to eat said yummy brownie, it was amazing to watch everyone's reactions. Absence makes the heart grow fonder indeed. But now that I know she's there, I'm going to have to be careful.

Then, this afternoon I taught my second lesson. I had scripted out exactly what I was going to say, and had practiced it a bit... then in lesson planning, the tutor looked at it and gave me a green light. The thing is, actually teaching a lesson is different from writing it all out on paper. I forgot a few things... then *AGAIN* I ran out of material a lot sooner than I had expected. It was supposed to be a 40 min. lesson but I was 90% after about 20 min. =? At least I had a watch this time, so I could tell that I still had time, and I added a few more examples on the fly. Then you know, I did a few things that I'd forgotten to do in the beginning - a little late... but I was really just trying to stretch the lesson.

At the end, I was supposed to just provide a written record of the lesson - get the sentences we'd been using on the white board for the students to copy down. I had them up - and still a good 10 minutes to go, so I decided I would try to get the student's help to diagram the sentences. That was a completely appropriate activity - I observed one of the professional teachers give a similar lesson the day before and that's what he had done. But I'd asked him specifically if I needed to do that and he said don't worry about it. So I hadn't actually *prepared* the sentences in advance and had to make my best guesses about parts of speech. I mean, they were pretty basic sentences... but I still made some mistakes. Which is *BAD* when you're supposed to be the teacher!!!


But then... the end. I'm going to tear up because this was the most basic thing - it took 30 seconds. But two of the students had a question about the difference between a Hobby & a Habit... and - I knew this... so I told them "I like to paint... that's my hobby." "I paint every morning... that's a habit" and they got it! For the rest of the lesson I had felt a bit like an actor on a stage, or at best an improv actor... but for those 30 seconds, I actually felt like a teacher. And then I cracked up because they started spelling "Habit" "Hobbit" so I spelled it out on the board for them. Oh... that part felt really good. Really good.

After the lessons we do self-evaluations and get feedback from the teacher... I mentioned that but also that I'd forgotten to do things and all the things I'd done awkwardly etc. But when I got my feed back I received an "Above Standard" for the lesson!!! Which doesn't mean it was a spectacular lesson, but only that it was better than expected for this stage of development. Still - Yay!

I figured an "Above Standard", plus the fact that I don't teach tomorrow, was deserving of a beer out with the guys. The Brit had also taught that day so he was game, as were the Canadian & the Short Aussie. I have to say - these are some of the best guys I've ever met (quilters excluded ;) ). We just had fun chatting... and I started telling the Brit the abbreviated version of my life story the past few years... from my first trip abroad to Europe in 2006 to trying to get out of my horrid job to finally coming here to Thailand. He was really awesome and actually echoed a few of the things about "The universe gives you what you need." That my therapist used to tell me. So I get to the end of my story and he gave me perhaps the best compliment I've ever gotten.

He said (and mind you - with a charming British accent) "Hearing your story... it's really great, it's like you're right here..." and he drew on the table a funnel from the narrow end opening up exponentially. "I feel really privileged to hear you talk about your life right now."

!!!


What can I say? Other than, I kinda feel like that too. Except, you know, still only at the beginning of the funnel... but that my life is opening up and I feel better about my life now than I have in a very very long time. We'll see if I still feel that way in a few weeks.... but for now life is good.

Safely in SF + I heart Craigslist

I made it to San Francisco and am now thoroughly enjoying spending time with J. I didn't realize how much I missed her until we started chatting on the BART and I remembered how we would sometimes end up on the same bus going home from work and we'd gossip & laugh the whole way home. Anyway, I know you're all itchin' to hear about Thailand...and I'll let you know as soon as I get there, but first I have to say -God bless Craigslist!

The whole process of selling/giving away all of my belongings was a learning experience. Shoulda, woulda, coulda… started posting non-essential furniture sooner, done a little better job of contacting people who responded, and importantly woulda, shoulda, coulda timed my postings better… right before the weekend for example. In any case, I did okay… I got just enough money selling my furniture, books (God bless Powells) & CDs (God bless Music Millenium too while we’re at it) that I was able to coast for through unemployement without dipping too much into my savings.

Pardon me while I brag about myself for a minute but I’m really impressed with the fact that I had saved up enough money to pull this whole thing off. I was able to go a full two months without working, paid for the plane ticket, the CELTA course, a new wardrobe, and my none too cheap vacinations & malaria meds. – all on top of my normal expenses. My mom did help me out with a couple hundred dollars when she was here, but really aside from Birthday money, that’s the only financial support I’ve gotten from my parents since mom helped me settle into my first apartment.

Anyway… back to Craigslist. I was feeling bad because less than 24 hours before checking out of my apartment I still had a couch, entertainment center, and desk to deal with. Also all of my cleaning products (mostly full bottles of everything since I’m vastly more enthusiastic about buying cleaning supplies than I am about actually using them), all of my house plants and some other misc. stuff were still laying around. I knew there was nothing else I could do (Goodwill around here doesn’t do pick-ups) and had resigned myself to just throwing everything away. The amount of waste involved was kinda stressing me out. But finally FINALLY someone that I’d been in contact regarding my couch actually showed up! There was a grandpa, mom & teen or 20 something daughter and a BIG TRUCK! They looked at the couch and decided to take it. And then I said “I’ve got other stuff too” and when they saw my desk they were like “It’s perfect” so that went too. They even tried to take the entertainment center, but it just wouldn’t fit. Oh well, at least we got it out of the apartment – which somehow makes me feel a bit better.

On the advice of a friend I had gathered up all my cleaning supplies and had them all in a big plastic bin outside my apartment. I was going to stick a ‘free’ sign on it and bring it to the laundry room, but I asked if they wanted cleaning supplies and the mom said “sure” and took them as well. And as we walked past all my houseplants she asked if I was getting rid of them as well. She took all the plants and even the empty pots… the daughter at this point was positively *dying* of embarrasment “Oh mom!” because the mom was going on about how flower pots are expensive, and houseplants get expensive. It was hillarious, I sooo remember reacting like that to my mom. But I was thrilled that they were effectively just cleaning out my apartment for me. Less waste for the landfill, less work for my landlord, less guilt for me – win win win. Plus you know – I hope I’m racking up some good karma for when I need to furnish my next apartment. After this whole experience, I’m just about ready to vow never to buy another piece of furniture again! At the very least I’m going to give free-cycle & craigslist a go before ever walking into a furniture store.

In short… I have no idea what I would have done without Craigslist – it’s just about the best things to ever happen on the internet.

Why, exactly, am I doing this?

This post is probably more for my benefit than anything else. I have been having some SERIOUS insomnia lately (going on two completely sleepless nights in a row here - of four in the past month), I'll be drifting asleep and totally jerk myself awake thinking "Oh God what am I doing?" I mean... I've never been to Thailand, I don't know how to teach... what am I thinking????

But there are real reasons why I've decided to make such a radical change in my life, and I need to keep those reasons in mind.

1. I was in the biggest, baddest, mother of all ruts in my life. I've spent the past decade stuck in two mind-numbingly, soul-sucking, unsatisfying jobs. Neither my opinions nor my intelligence was appreciated, and neither job left any room for creativity - AT ALL. I had a high level of responsibility but a very low level of authority or control over how to do my job. If I didn't get out of that last job I was going to go insane.

2. As much as I love Portland, as much of a patriot as I am; traveling to Europe was the most incredible experience for me. I loved seeing that the same basic functions could be handled in completely different ways than I was used to - telephones & toilets for example, exactly the same but completely different. I enjoyed getting to use a foreign language (the very few phrases I knew) and having native speakers understand me... and I was thrilled when I figured out new words on my own from context. It was like using a secret code. I loved seeing & touching pieces of history, like the Roman baths in Arles... ruins that were THOUSANDS of years old. From the very little experience I had on vacation, I knew that I needed travel to be a part of my life from that point on... that there was just so much out there to be seen & experienced. I will always be an American in my heart of hearts, and Portland feels more like home than any place I've ever lived...but I really want to see what else is out there in the world.

3. When my friends have gone to study or live abroad - in Paris, India, England, Australia - I've always been insanely jealous. Why should they get all the fun - why couldn't I go to?

4. Throughout my life I've had the good fortune to be friends with foreigners. I've always enjoyed exchanging tidbits of culture. I loved getting to see an Australian man eat his first brownie, teaching Chinese & Indian scientists to play kick ball at a company picnic, and explaining the meaning of the phrase "hanging out" to Japanese students. It was equally fun to share some authentic German Schnapps with a man who partied in Berlin as the wall was torn down. And I think it would be fun if I got to be that person... the foreigner with strange habits and stories of a land far away.

5. This one's kind of lame... but I really want to have something good to submit to The Scene - Willamette's alumni magazine. I'm so tired of seeing my classmates in the Class Notes section - getting married, having babies, running marathons... and having nothing cool to submit about myself. I'm REALLY excited to put something in about moving to Thailand, but am still trying to figure out the most glamorous & awe inspiring way to put it.

6. When I was little, I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up (I also wanted to be an artist, an astronaut, a gymnast, and a philosopher) but decided not to when I grew up and discovered I didn't really like children... and have been trying to figure out a way to get myself back towards that career path. Teaching English in Thailand requires far less training than any kind of official teaching position here in the US and will give me a chance to figure out if teaching really is something I want to pursue... something I'm willing to go back to school (and go into debt) for.

7. Although I know practically nothing about Thailand, it seems like a really interesting country. As far as 'exotic' countries - it seems pretty safe. They've always been an independent country, they've always been an ally to the US. Although they've had some chaos in their government, they are a democratic society and the people have a full range of rights and freedoms. For good or ill, there have been a TON of US tourists there, so although it will be brand new to me... they're well used to visitors from the west. In fact because of their tourist industry English teachers are in great need, and are paid reasonably well. It shouldn't be that hard for me to find a job with decent pay once I'm certified. Plus, I had a friend from Thailand in High School and he was a really cool guy. He called me "Homey G." (home-girl)* and we went out for sushi together once.... which in retrospect was probably a date... man was I clueless.

8. I need to live someplace warm for a while. As much as I love Portland... and recognize that it's hardly the coldest place in the world - I've been freezing my ya-yas off the past couple of years. This winter/spring in particular were COLD! I'm so tired of being cold all the time, and spending 9 months of the year looking like a ghost. I want to go live someplace where I can get a little sun and warm my bones. Yes, I am fully aware that I'm going to sweat like a pig once I'm there, and will probably be cursing the humidity daily... but still, it'll make for a nice change.

9. I want to get healthier and hopefully lose some weight. There's something about the American culture that's making people fat... myself included. I can take responsibility for eating crap & drinking entirely too much soda, but there's got to be more than just individual lack of will power going on if fully a third of us are overweight & obese. I kinda want to immerse myself in a culture without a weight problem for a while and see if I can learn anything.

10. Spiritually, I think I'm ready for something completely different. I've done the Christian thing...I don't mean to sound dismissive, but honestly I'm done with it. I grew up going to a small Baptist church, sang in the church choir, was president of my youth group - even gave the sermon on "Youth Sunday", and went through a charming "holier than thou" phase through much of High School and College. I've read the bible (well, skipped a few chapters of the Old Testament) and prayed the prayers. I've sat through sermons and gone to retreats. And through it all, I never felt especially close to God... never felt whatever it is you're supposed to feel ... and I'm not convinced it didn't do more harm than good to me. Between my own experience and all that's been going on in this country over the past 8 years, I'm pretty well sick of Christians and good Christian virtues. I want to know what it's like to live somewhere with a different dominant religion. I'm not about to convert to Buddhism, but I would like to learn more about it, more about the way the Thais integrate religion into their daily lives. I want to see the temples and see how Buddhists interpret divinity, how they describe the human condition. What are their answers to the big questions? It's not an immediate goal of mine.... which is why I want to actually LIVE abroad for a year or more... I want to have time to let this soak in for a while.

11. I want to know what it's like to be a minority. I don't anticipate particularly enjoying this part... but I think that it would be a valuable experience. I know it won't equate with the experience of a minority person in the US... in fact there isn't just one "minority experience" in the US, not even among people of the same race. But race is an issue that I find interesting... that I have the privilege of finding 'interesting'... so I hope to learn something about that - what it means to be different from the majority.

12. I want to be interesting. One of my big insecurities in life is that I'm not interesting, or more that other people aren't all that interested in what I think or what I do. I mean, I think I'm kind of interesting... or at least as interesting as your average person off the street. But I want to do at least one thing in my life that qualifies as undeniably "interesting". You know, that thing about 'if someone wrote your biography - would anyone want to read it' - I want there to be something to write down in my biography.... or you know this blog... something other than "Creepy guy stared down my shirt at the Max stop."

I'm sure there are more reasons...or more things I want to learn about and/or experience living abroad... but that's a pretty healthy list. Enough at least to answer that midnight ( or 3am) question "Oh god - why am I doing this??" And with that - I'm going back to bed. Wish me sleep. =)






*He also called me "34C" on a regular basis, especially in class and it irritated the crap out of me... which is, in retrospect, probably exactly why he did it. Boys.

Masochism

That's the one where you torture yourself right? I went to Powells again today.

The view from the mezzanine... not something you can say in most bookstores.

I'm not sure why I keep doing that! All I want to do is hunker down with a stack of bubble-gum books and hide out for a while. But I've got a text book to read and an apartment to clean out. So I really shouldn't be wandering through the city of books flipping through the pages of The Chronicles of Narnia and gazing at the pictures in a book about the Ocean. God, I just love that store!!! But it's a bit counter productive to go buy books when I'm trying to get rid of all my possessions!

It's really just overwhelming. I know if I focus and apply a few hours of work towards my apartment everyday, it'll get done and I'll feel better. I might even have time to read something fun. But every time I walk up to a shelf or open my closet, I start sorting through a few things, then I catch a glimpse of the rest of my un-sorted apartment and begin a panic attack. First comes an odd little half whine / half scream that escapes me as I wander away from the area I was sorting. This is followed by me taking laps around the room saying "Fuck fuck fuck - oh my god! Fuck fuck fuck what the fuck am I doing?" and resolves itself with me on the couch playing Tetris Worlds (I've beaten level 15 on 4 of 6 worlds!) and watching TV.


This is just not productive.

(Oooh...speaking of not productive - go watch Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog - so much awesome!)

Ok... it might be time for me to recruit some help. I'm signing up for Flylady's annoying emails, and breaking out my trusty timer. Wish me luck!