Friday, August 28, 2009

The Truth

Time to dip into the Well of Uncomfortable Truths again.

Ok, the Bitch and Moan edition - probably not my most popular endeavor... but necessary to my sanity.

Also, it turns out I'm lazy. I really want to call it by another name... but lazy fits the bill. After all the insane back and forth about my schedule a few classes got canceled and suddenly I have tons of free time. And as a result my mental health has improved dramatically. For the past three days I have only had one class per day. I sleep until I wake up (as opposed to waking up to the alarm), take my time getting dressed, spend a couple hours dorking around online, get breakfast, then spend the next couple of hours reading at a coffee shop. After a thoroughly unproductive day I'm ready to go to work at about 4pm to do some lesson prep. or other paperwork. I teach one class from 6-8pm or so and I'm ready to go home.

And you know what... I've felt pretty good about the quality of the classes that I've taught. I'm not tired and cranky when I get to the school. I have time to find extra activities and games to use for warmers. But I'm not bored from having to sit in the teacher's room all day. OH... and I've been working with ADULTS! So there's no singing of ridiculous songs "The magic that you neeeeed is all inside your heaaaaaad, let's use our hearts and all learn how to flyyyyyy."* or trying coax the 5 year old out from under the table. No, I'm actually able to relate to my students in a normal manner. And my new class is an actual class... not a private lesson. So I can put them in groups and make them discuss something for a few minutes while I just walk around listening & answering questions.

There's a part of me that feels guilty for being lazy. Lots of people here work far more hours than I do, and seem to do so without all the complaining. But I'm also learning to do this new thing where I just listen to what my body and brain are telling me and try not to be something I'm not.

So that's just how I am. I function best when I only have to work about half time, when I have a LOT of peaceful alone time. This is something I'm going to try to accomodate when I start looking for a job again. Maybe I need to cut waaaaaaay back on expenses so that I don't have to work a full time job. I'm not totally sure how to swing that - what with wanting to travel more - but I'm going to keep it in mind.

I'm also discovering that I'm a bit of a cream puff. All I do is hang out in bed - I tried to figure out why and it's because nothing else in my apartment is comfortable. The floor is cold hard tile, the chairs are metal and plastic, with only a little cusion on the seat, and I have no couch or easy chair to relax in. I've tried rearranging my computer and putting pillows on my chair, but the fact is... I'm actually a lot more active and productive in a cozy environment. Back in Portland my apartment was *extremely* cozy and I would (at least sometimes) work out in front of the TV. I read more, created more, and entertained more.

So that's lesson two. Taking away the couch & TV doesn't make me any less of a couch potato. It makes me more bed-ridden. When I get back to the States I will keep this in mind when setting up housekeeping again.

There's plenty more in the Well of Uncomfortable Truths... but that's enough for today.

TAG: Code Watermelon

*Can someone PLEASE explain to me how we use our hearts to fly? And how does this help me when I try to explain "wings" when we do the animal unit???


Bezzie said...

On the plus side, cream puffs and potatoes are delicious! I noticed the same thing when I was in college--industrial furniture wasn't comfy. The bed was.

And wow, the Well is right. Why are they all speaking Chinese?

IamSusie said...

I am like this in my down time too. What a difference it makes for you to not have to be around those kids! Hooray!

I'm signing up to be a substitute teacher and I have to confess, Kindergartners do like singing, and I don't mind... They think you are the coolest person if you do this without embarrassment.

Exuberant Color said...

I don't think you are lazy as much as you like organization and to be prepared. What is worse than having yourself pulled 7 different directions and you aren't able to prepare for any of them or concentrate on them. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have one thing you do well vs. many things that you are just treading water through.

goodworks1 said...

Good for you! Your body is telling you that it needs rest and space and repair and you are giving it that! I definitely wouldn't call that lazy; realistic, maybe.

And seriously, you have been working in a totally different culture for about a year. That's a HUGE stress! The fact that you are still getting up and going to work and actually enjoying some aspects of it is amazing to me! Good for you! (And I agree with Wanda.)

Introversion is something you can't ignore for long or you will find you are losing your creativity and flexibility to deal with new situations.

Keep taking care of yourself -- and be sure to savor some of those wonderful veggies and fruits while you still have the chance to get them tree/vine/plant -ripened!