Thursday, March 19, 2009

paradigm shift

So, I'm experiencing a bit of a paradigm shift here. Being abroad is just such a unique experience. First off, you're already out of your comfort zone. You can't really understand the language or the culture, so everything you do is automatically out of the ordinary - either for where you're from or where you are. You can never quite get it exactly right... so you're winging it most of the time. Plus if your intention is to leave at some point, the things you do here just don't seem to matter as much. The consequences don't seem quite as real. Like, I regularly ride on the back of a motorbike with no helmet, and on more than one occasion the smell of whiskey has wafted back to me from the driver's breath. I cross 8 lanes of crazy traffic every day. It's all just normal here. Sometimes Bunny, Bobby and I have to remind ourselves that "if you die in Thailand you die in real life."

Overall, I'm feeling a lot more experimental, a lot less black & white. I'm rethinking a lot of things. I'm intentionally doing things I never thought I'd do, just to see what will happen. I can't quite express how radical of a departure this is from my usual way of thinking. It's not necessarily easy... like my brain still has the same initial reactions... and I definitely have all the same fears and insecurities. But it's like, that's the American part of my brain, and the Thailand part of my brain is like "mai bpen lai."

I don't know... too much navel gazing these days.

TAG: Code Sweet Chili Sauce.


d said...

what if you don't die in real life?

that would be amazing.

Michael5000 said...

My name is michael5000, and I approve this experimentation.

Hey, I read somewhere that Thailand has one of the highest motor vehicles fatalities rate in the world! So, you know, something to think about. Be safe in that sense.

Yankee in England said...

My DH actually commented a few months ago that I was a real Londoner now when I crossed six lanes of trafic in rush our not being at a cross walk.

I know how you feel, I sometimes like there is the American Y in E and the English Y in E. I didn't really even have a huge language barrier to deal with.