Tuesday, July 21, 2009

WTF was I thinking?

I've decided that there's nothing wrong with my life that the judicious application vitamin V won't cure (Vodka that is). Nevertheless, I have decided to go forth with more whining.

WTF was I thinking? Seriously folks... what was I thinking? Can anyone tell me why I thought I'd enjoy spending a YEAR abroad? And in fact, I don't have my plane ticket yet, but if I stick to my current plan, I will have spent a full 15 months abroad. Basically I left when I was 33, I'll be returning when I'm 35. WTF?

Half my (female) friends have either had babies or will have babies by the time I get back. I'm not talking one or two... at last count there will be something like EIGHT new babies in my various circles of friends when I get back. EIGHT!!! One friend started grad school, two got married and another one just got engaged. (edited to add... my point is not that I'm jealous or that I wish somehow I were doing this instead of being here.. my point is that my friends are having important life events and I'm missing them. I would have liked to have gone to the baby showers etc. Sorry I was totally unclear in my whining here. ;) )

While I absolutely needed to go abroad, and I wanted to go for long enough to really get a feel for a place... a year is seeming like a mighty long time. I think I hit my stride at about the 8-9 month mark...I was looking good, feeling good, drinking a LOT, basically having a good time of things. It's been dragging a bit since then... mostly because Bunny & Bobby are gone. They were replaced by two guys who don't seem the least bit interested in making friends with anyone. One is a fairly young American guy who's basically lived in Thailand since he graduated from college. He's quite settled, speaks Thai fluently and is barely cordial. He comes in five minutes before his class, grabs his folder and off he goes. The other new teacher is a middle aged German guy whose conversation skills leave quite a bit to be desired. He seems nice enough but I get the impression that he's one of the guys who came to Thailand because he couldn't get laid in his homeland.

With such an unsatisfactory potential social circle, things have gotten fairly boring. As one office gal's boyfriend so aptly put it when the girls first left "You're sad. You have no friends."

I know if I really needed to, I could break my contract and just leave... but I don't really have anything specific waiting for me in Portland so it's not like there's any real rush for me to return either. I'll stick it out. I'm just going to need a lot more vodka.

TAG: Code Fish Sauce


IamSusie said...

Some of your friends got married and had kids. What were you doing? Living out a lifelong dream of living abroad! It is rough not having a social circle, but sometimes newly marrieds and new moms and dads feel overwhelmed and wonder what the heck they are doing too.

I had kids when I was 33 but I never did get to live abroad and I don't think I ever will. This gives me a pang of regret.

Hang in there. This too shall pass. Don't fall into the trap of regretting perfectly sound well thought out decisions! Next time you'll know to try something new for 9 months instead of 12. ;-)

Jonathan said...

It's one thing to not enjoy your situation based on some objective factors (like not having anymore friends around), but don't compare it with what your friends are doing!!

I bet you anything you friend who is stuck with those twins is thinking she had taken a year abroad.

And married? Who wants to get married anymore? If you ask me, living abroad for 15 months is much more of an accomplishment than popping a ring on your finger, spreading your legs and shooting out a few little creatures.

Rebel said...

Susie - I don't regret coming here, not a bit, it's just feeling a bit long right now. As for a 'next time' all I know is I wouldn't do this alone again. Need to obtain a travel partner before the next adventure!

Jonathan - don't worry.. I'm not comparing, I went and edited that paragraph to be more clear. I'm just sad that I'm missing big events in my friends lives. And you know, there's nothing wrong with the ring & creature creating... just not really in my plans.

Melissa said...

Hang in there! You'll probably look back on this year with fond memories when it's over. What I have often wondered is: do you miss crafting at all? From what I can tell you haven't done any sewing or knitting this entire year. Just curious.

Rebel said...

Interesting that you should ask that Melissa....stay tuned.

Bezzie said...

Aw man, leave us hanging! I'd tend to agree w/melissa if you haven't been doing anything crafty. When I was in the throes of that spreadsheet crap, I wasn't doing anything. My god, the bitch level was amazing. NOt that Thailand is evil like that spreadsheet project--but I think you get the jist. But maybe that doesn't apply to you since you left us hanging!!!

Jeannette said...

God, that sounds like me. One of my good friends here just left, and while I have a rabbit and boyfriend to keep me company, I feel isolated and bored.

ABrown said...

I'm proud of you. Remember that you can't experience the highs without some lows for comparrison. You're missing a few 'events' but we'll catch you up. Today, you've missed 106 degrees in PDX. This is the 4th day with 100+ temps--- you've figured out how to survive that--- we haven't!