This is the problem I've been dealing with in regard to my career. I've finally figured out that I want to teach English abroad, at least for a few years. But it's been hard for me to imagine it really happening, and I've been a bit overwhelmed by the idea of trying to figure everything out.
This is the biggest thing I've ever considered doing, and there are so many details, so many consequences, so many things to think through, so many things I've never done. I've been overwhelmed and procrastinating on & off since about October. In the face of my own procrastination and the delays beyond control, I've just been really discouraged.
The current plan is for me to take the next available course - in April. I have another pre-course task to complete... it's thirty pages long, lots & lots of grammar questions. It's not hard, it's even mildly interesting. But it's solo work, to my own timetable... and that's the last thing I need right now. One of the things that appeals to me about teaching is that it is, by it's nature, interactive and somewhat immediate. I can't show up in the classroom and not teach... there will be students there waiting for me. If I'm not prepared - there will be pretty immediate feedback. At my current job I can put in about 50% effort and still accomplish all the things that are expected of me...no one in my office knows or cares what I do all day, as long as things get done. It's soul-suckingly, mind-numbingly boring... and in it's own way exhausting.
Anyway... slowly, slowly, slowly I'm working on the pre-course task... plugging away at it. But I still can't quite keep in mind day-to-day that I could really be leaving the country as early as this summer. It doesn't seem real. I want it to happen, it just doesn't feel like it's really going to. Every once in a while it'll catch me... like I might not even be here for the presidential election! It's just bizarre. For the past several months I've thought about things like moving, or buying a new car, or getting new furniture or visiting family... and then I stop myself and I think ... well, that is if I'm still here. It's driving me crazy! Trying to plan for something that's so amorphous and thus far uncertain. I don't know what exactly to do about it, other than to take one step at a time... finish up the assignment... the least fun aspect of this whole endeavor.
Hmm... I think I had a point when I started this post. But now... not so much. I also think I've caught the cold that's been making it's rounds in my office... so my brain is getting a bit fuzzy.
Look! A kitty!