T.A.G - Code Pineapple. It's been a mentally tough day, and I have a cold... but other than that, all is well.
When I was back in
However, this whole experience of doing the CELTA course ‘in country’ is turning out to be extremely challenging, both emotionally & intellectually. I was expecting (dreading) some of this challenge, but still…it can be overwhelming at times. Intellectually, there’s a lot of information to absorb, and then apply in teaching practice. There are techniques to master and grammatical structures to learn. There’s a lot of prep-work to do before each lesson, and then a lot of feedback & analysis to deal with afterwards. Emotionally, it’s been a roller-coaster ride. There were lessons that I felt completely unprepared for that went extremely well, and then lessons I felt really comfortable with that didn’t go very well at all. I’m spending a lot of time around the same people… so much so that individual quirks become really irritating. I’ve had a lot of fun hanging out with everyone, but at the same time, I feel like I don’t have any ‘real’ friends. I feel like the guys on the course tolerate me at best, and actively dislike me in at least one case. The one person who seems most genuinely interested in talking to me is also the most likely to point out my personality flaws to me. It’s been really tough.
There are times when everything is wonderful, when I think “How amazing is this?” and then there are days when I spend hours playing solitare on my computer ruminating on all the things going wrong. One minute I’ll feel like I’m really going to be a good teacher, that it’s feeling very natural. But then I’ll spend two hours agonizing over what to do for a 2 minute warm up activity. I love working with the students… but I get so nervous before I teach that I want to throw up. And getting a really positive review from my instructor only made me feel more pressured to live up to his expectations. It’s insane.
Then there’s the fact that I almost never know what’s going on. There’s a freedom in that. Knowing that you’re probably doing something wrong, and that you’re probably going to offend someone means you just don’t worry about it. But it can also be humiliating. One of the guys on my course picked a Thai name to use in the class so the students could pronounce it easily. Every time he said his name, students would giggle – he’d ask “Isn’t that a Thai name?” and he’d get the reply that it’s the name of a Thai actor. Just yesterday he found out that it’s an actor who’s most famous for doing a string of condom commercials. So yeah, in an effort to pay respect to the Thai culture, he named himself after the condom man.
Oh, and then there was the Gyoza incident. I went out to lunch with two of the guys and ordered gyoza. The woman made some attempt to communicate something with me and I just clarified that yes, that’s what I wanted. As is customary in
I wouldn’t say it takes much courage to live abroad – it’s not all that scary – but it does take a certain kind of grit. You’ve got to find a way to deal with your own issues, as well as the issues of a country & culture that’s not your own. It’s not easy, and it’s not for the faint of heart. But for me, at this moment, I think it’s been worth it.
.
3 comments:
Just remember how much you hated your job here. It was intolerable for you. From your posts, it seems like even your bad days there are better than the way you felt about your situation here. hang in there! You're almost done with the course. Once you have a classroom of your own, you'll relax a lot because there won't be an instructor analyzing every minute of your class.
You have a right to be treated well. There's a certain amount of growing up one does when moving to a foreign country, even if you were an adult before. Asking questions, sticking up for what you want, and making sure you get it are just some of those things. Learning that you can't get along with everybody is another one, as is the fact that making friends takes time. I remember all of this from college, and none of it was easy. Hang in there, though -- you're stronger than you think. Really. Things always look particularly bad when you're sick. They'll get better.
"personality flaws"? G'wan!!!
: )
Post a Comment