The insanity continues

You know, there's a lot of pop-psychology out there about having a positive attitude and the 'laws of attraction'... you know you put good energy out into the universe and the universe rewards you with your heart's desire.

I'm here to tell you that that whole philosophy is crap. Not 100% crap, of course... but like 70% crap. Sometimes shit happens. And when it does, sometimes it feels good to just complain. So complain I will. Trying to suck it up and forcing myself to keep a good attitude was just driving me bonkers. I've felt a LOT better since venting about all this garbage at work.

I was feeling pretty good this morning. I got to sleep in and spend some time at Starbucks just relaxing. I really needed that. Because my two kid classes were canceled, I only ended up having my one new class in the evening. I showed up a couple hours early to prep the class and as soon as I walked in, the manager approached me. "Your two students.... they will study on Saturday."
"Ok" I said... more power to them I thought.
"You will teach them 9am to 10:30am, and 10:45 to 12:15"
Um, I don't think so! "I already have a class on Saturday morning."
"No, you will teach these students... we will find another teacher for your class."

GAAAHHH! So now, I'm back to having the two kids, and my old class is going to a totally different teacher. At least this time I get some advanced warning. But not even one class to tell the kids I'm leaving. You know, these are kids that I've been teaching for a year and am *finally* starting to make some progress with. Six months ago I would have rejoiced heartily to learn that they were being given to someone else. But now that I've invested so much it sucks that boom it's over, just like that.

In the mean time, with no kid classes on Monday-Friday my schedule is looking a lot more open. And of course they canceled three of my evening classes, which lightens my load that much more. I mentioned to the office staff today that since the kid classes got rescheduled, it's no problem to teach the evening class. But they won't call the student to un-cancel. That would be losing face.

But somehow it's not losing face to have no organizational or management skills whatsoever... no, as long as they keep smiling, everything's fine fine fine.


TAG: Code Sticky Rice

It's like they want me to lose my mind.

And it's working.

Trying to hold onto any semblance of reality is just futile... everything changes... then changes again. You type B folks, I'm sure you'd love it here... easy breezy maybe you have class, maybe you don't -who knows? But I swear to you I am losing my mind, absolutely losing my mind.

So you know how I'm all stressed out because I have tons of overtime on my schedule this month. Today I finish my first kid class (of three for the day) and go downstairs to grab my next set of books. The manager announces to me as I pass "You have class tomorrow... new class in the evening." And that's how it goes. Not "Can you teach another class tomorrow?" Not even... "We're starting a class next week and you need to teach it." No. It's last minute and it's not a question or even a request, it's a statement. So I tell her:

"No. I can't. I'm already teaching 130 hours this month."
"But next month - your two (kid) classes finish."
"Ok - I can start when these two classes finish"

But that's not good enough for her. I go to the teachers room and collect a few things and she comes in after me.

"What do you think about this? If I ask someone to fill in for this week, and you start next month, then you finish in September and they need a get a new teacher again. It's not good for the students, it's better to have only two teachers than three."
"I'm already teaching too much, I can't. I have four classes today and every Monday and Wednesday this month! Four classes is too many."
"But the class is Tuesdays and Thursdays in the evening."
"I can not teach four classes on Monday and Wednesday" (starting at 9am and finishing at 8:30pm) "and another three on Tuesdays and Thursdays" (again starting at 9:30am and finishing at 8:30pm) "It's too much."
"What if I cancel one class for Monday and Wednesday."
Silence from me. I'm beyond brain dead. I don't want to negotiate, I want to have a sensible schedule that I can adjust to and not have to constantly keep juggling everything. I said 'no', I meant 'no' and I don't want to debate it anymore.
"I can cancel this class until next month, cancel three classes, only add two this week."
GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! "Fine.... fine.... fine."


So then I go upstairs and start crying because I'm so tired of never knowing what they're going to throw at me. I feel lame because I feel completely incapable of standing up for myself. The only time I've ever gotten my way is when I've thrown a complete hissy fit in the middle of the office. When I got here I was so disgusted at the way the teachers would yell and argue every little point with the staff, but now I understand it. We're treated like robots.... like we can just walk into a classroom at a moments notice and teach anything, like it doesn't matter if they cancel or reschedule or give us the wrong information for a class or add a student or take out a student or rearrange our rooms or take away our bathroom. And when you try to be polite and reason with them, you get nowhere. I know I need to be more assertive, but seriously - I'd said that I didn't want the class like three different times. I can be assertive... I just can't deal with manipulative bullies.

Needless to say I was not in a good mindset for my five year old, and she was distracted and disobedient anyway. I pulled out some tests and started grading them while she hid under the table. I gave up.

I did a bit better with my 14 year old - his English is pretty good and we've been working on writing which gives me a fair amount of time to just sit there quietly. I was comforted ever so slightly by the fact that it was my last class for the day (the next one being the one the manager canceled to get me to teach tomorrow's class). When I was finished I was soooo ready to leave. But knowing that I had that 9:30am kid class tomorrow I decided to do some prep work and found an activity that I thought she'd like and made the appropriate copies.

Finished for the day I ended up going to dinner with the Head Teacher we joked about going out clubbing but obviously weren't going to... not with early classes the next morning. We were just getting ready to leave when I noticed my phone ringing. When I grabbed it I noticed it was our manager calling. "Oh god... I don't want to answer it, I don't want another class tomorrow!" but I did answer it.

"So sorry... problem with your schedule. Your two (kid) classes canceled already."
"What?"
"They go back to school tomorrow."
"So I don't have class tomorrow morning."
"No, no class."
"Fine... fine... fine."


GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Obviously I'm happy to get to sleep in tomorrow. But it's like they just don't get it. They don't get that I actually try to prep classes in advance, that whether or not I have class in the morning determines what I do the night before, that I've now wasted time and energy and paper prepping an activity for a class that's not going to happen, that I'd been carefully parsing out student book pages with outside activities so that we'd finish the book when we finished the course, that I've had these kids for five days a week for the past month and a half and I won't even get to say goodbye to them. They don't care.... and it makes me not want to care. I may have class tomorrow, I may not, I may have ten classes tomorrow. It might be Pre-Intermediate like they told me, it might be Starter. Who knows? There might be 10 students, there might be 15, there might be 3, there might be one guy and his wife who's not even a registered student. Why does it matter? Why should I care? All that haggling this morning, crying in my classroom... all for nothing, it's all going to change anyway!!!


Losing my mind I tell you ... losing my mind.


TAG: Code Coconuts

I'm fine.

Thanks to eveyone who posted happy links in the comments yesterday. I spent the better part of today in bed looking at awkward family photos and some very hungry turtles. I've been having a rough go of things lately. There's nothing huge... just an endless list of little things that have been wearing me down.


I hated that I only had one day off a week, but it was fine, really because I wasn't working that many hours. Sunday was for 'doing things' and I could relax during the downtime on my easy days.


I hated my Saturday classes, but it was fine because that was just Saturday. The rest of the week was adult classes.



But then I got another kid class... and now two more. I now have five young learner classes, and am teaching kids 6 days a week. It is more draining than even I could have imagined. Coming up with new activities day after day after day. And it's one on one with three of the kids, so I can't even make them write up role-plays or do discussion activities together. It's a nightmare for me.

But even that was fine... because I didn't have a full load of classes. I can't turn down classes if I'm working under a full-time load. So, fine fine fine. I'll adjust, I'll deal, no problem, mai bpen lai.

But this month two of my old classes started up again, and now I'm working overtime, tons and tons of overtime. There's 130 teaching hours on my schedule for this month, my contract is for 100 hours a month. So this is a lot more than I'm used to. And teaching hours doesn't equal 'working hours' as I don't get paid for my prep time, or time I spend grading exams or writing progress reports. And it doesn't really reflect the days when I have to start classes at 9:00 and don't finish until 8:30pm.

It's really taking a lot out of me, but again... it's fine, it's fine it's fine. Because I've been worried about money and all the extra hours will help make up for the fact that I haven't saved as much money as I had hoped.

I never liked not having my own classroom, but it was fine. Keep it simple, just bring my materials to class every day - no problem. Except that I'm accumulating more and more and more stuff for my kid classes (a box of markers & pencils, stick puppets for dialogues, glue, scissors, markers, magazines for collages etc. It's taking me two trips to set up the classroom. Fine fine fine... not worth complaining about. But now they're rearranging all the classrooms. They've taken the big conference table out of the room where I teach a class of 9 (I like teaching at a conference table, sitting like an equal with my students), and replaced it with desks (which I hate because they're not set up for pair work and a pain in the ass to move around). Then they've moved the conference room into the room where I teach my one five year old girl. Whereas we used to have one table and plenty of room to walk around and do activities "fly to the [picture of a] bird... swim to the river.... hop to the bunny." we now have two tables and barely enough room to maneuver around them.

They can't really do anything about the rooms because they're preparing for an influx of new corporate students, and they'll need to accomodate a lot of students in each class. Fine fine fine fine fine. Whatever... mai bpen lai... adjust adjust adjust. But as of Saturday the manager decided to change the kitchen into another student lounge... but has locked the staff bathroom because it would be tacky to have a bathroom near where the students hang out. Gah!!!! So now when I'm spending 12 hours a day at the school I have to hike upstairs to the student bathrooms... which inexplicably have the toilet paper rolls *outside* the bathroom. Because somehow it's not tacky to have to gather your TP in the hallway right outside your classroom before going into the bathroom. No that's not tacky at all. But it's fine fine fine because now I'm going to be leaving in a month and a half. Not worth getting into a stink about.

I miss Bunny & Bobby, and I'm pretty lonely here with no real friends to hang out with. But you know, it was okay because I was still somewhat social with the other teachers. Except that a couple of situations have moved some of these casual friendships from 'tolerable & occasionally fun' to 'unpleasant but occasionally tolerable.' So I don't even have anyone to bitch about all these petty grievances with.

It's profoundly ironic actually, I speak to people all day long, but I don't have anyone to talk to. And with no one to talk to, no one to help me unravel all my experiences...they all just get locked into an obsessive track in my brain. People, the crazies have come out, and it's starting to get ugly. It's one thing to talk to yourself, it's another thing to talk to yourself in public.... but now I find myself walking around arguing with myself... out loud... in public. And then I catch myself doing it, realize that I've crossed into crazy-town and start either laughing or crying or both. And then I tell myself that I'm okay... I'm okay, I'm just having a bad day. But I don't believe myself, because I've been having a lot of bad days lately. And then I realize that I'm arguing with myself again.

I'm ready to go home. I feel like I hit my peak at the 8 month mark and it's been a slow decent since then. The bad days are starting to outnumber the good days and the good days just aren't as good as they were before. But I don't really have a 'home' to go to right now. When I do get back to the states it's going to take a bit of work to create a home for myself again.... and I'm not looking forward to that. Well, except for the people speaking English part... I am looking forward to that.... and the cheese. I am *definitely* looking forward to the cheese.

I'm not doing very well.

I could use some cheering up.

The KISS method to language acquisition

When Bunny was here her method for learning Thai was to either copy whatever she'd heard (leading her to believe that the phrase for "fried rice" was in actuality the phrase for "how much") or to invent crazy sentences that were fun to learn, like "Rebecca's boyfriend's dog can't swim." (regardless of the fact that no, I don't have a boyfriend, if I did he probably wouldn't have a dog, but if he did the dog would almost certainly know how to swim). To her credit, Bunny can say "Are you eating cookies behind me?" in Mandarin, and "Your eyes are delicious." in Greek.

Now I'm not going to say her method of learning new languages is *wrong* per se. but that it's probably more entertaining as a linguistic exercise than actually helpful when trying to survive in a country that speaks that language. While she seemed to understand a great deal more Thai than I could, judging by our success in restaurants, my Thai was more easily understood.

This is also the approach I take in teaching. Communication is more important than showing off.

Here are two examples from the test I gave on Saturday. The instructions are "Write about what you are doing next weekend. Say what you are doing / where you are going and why."

1. Next weekend, I'm going to Central with my friend at Bangkok. We're shopping. We will buy something When we need And we will buy the Book. And on Sunday come back to Rayong. We going to the beach at Pattaya. I want to play spreed boat. I love Bangkok and Pattaya. And I love to shopping. *

2. Next weekend I'm going to buy a new book at the bookstore because I want to read a new book.


Guess who got a 10 out of 10?


TAG: Code Watermelon



*for the love of Pete, I don't know how many times I've tried to teach the phrase "go shopping"

20 Questions

I found this list of 20 Spiritual Questions on Brave New Traveler. I know that my own concepts of religion and spirituality have changed dramatically over the course of my life so far, and this is an interesting way of setting out what I believe right now. I really wish I'd done this in both HS and right after college, the comparisons would have been fascinating (to me). I would really like to see how other people answer the same questions, so if you do this questionnaire and want to share it - please post the link in the comments.


1. Why is there poverty and suffering in the world?

In Galapagos, Kurt Vonnegut blames our over-sized brains. I think he has a point. The Buddhists blame desire, and I think they have a point too.

I think ultimately humans are flawed creatures. We think too much, we want too much, when things don't go the way we think they should, or when we don't get what we want, we hurt.... and sometimes we hurt other people. Very few of us have mastered the concept of being content where we are with what we have. And I think this causes a lot of suffering.



2. What is the relationship between science and religion?

I think they are two paths trying to get at the same truth. You could say that one is an external search and one an internal search. I don't think they should be in competition or conflict. The truth that's out there is bigger than either science or religion alone can explain.



3. Why are so many people depressed?

I think different people are depressed for different reasons. For some people it can be a chemical imbalance related to other health problems. In other people it can be an inability to cope with what life has thrown at them, one reaction to trauma is just to shut down. Other people have just never learned how to be happy. In the US I think a lot of depression comes from a lack of authenticity, a lack of meaning and a lack of connection.



4. What are we all so afraid of?


Of pain, of suffering, of loneliness, of change, of someone someday finding out our deep dark secrets and laughing at them.


5. When is war justifiable?


Ooooooohhhh.... toughie! ONLY defensively, either in defense of one's own country or when a stronger power is attacking a weaker one - and the weaker one *asks* for help. And ONLY after all other diplomatic options have been attempted, and a thorough analysis of the costs of war are taken into a count.

I think we need to do a MUCH better job of proactively preventing war: US DEPARTMENT OF PEACE



6. How would God want us to respond to aggression and terrorism?


Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.


7. How does one obtain true peace?


One would have to remove oneself from human interaction - either physically hiding out in a cave somewhere, or mentally and emotionally avoiding any ties to other people. The question is...do you really want to obtain 'true peace'. I think part of being human, being alive is passion, emotion, connection, conflict, reconciliation, growth. I don't know that you can have those things and true peace at the same time.


8. What does it mean to live in the present moment?


Feeling the cool creaminess of my cha yen and savoring every layer of flavor, listening to the rain pound down on the concrete, smelling the cigarette of the person smoking next door, watching the woman clean off her plate before assembling the next sandwich, noticing exactly how bright the shredded carrots are against the green of the lettuce, staring at the shih-tzu riding in the basket of the motorbike passing by.


9. What is our greatest distraction?


Everyone has their own favorite I think, entertainment, drugs/alcohol, sex, work, interpersonal drama. For whatever thing you think you *should* be focused on, there is an equal and opposite number of things to distract you from it.


10. Is current religion serving its purpose?


Which religion? For whom? I think some people have found religious experiences / commitments that enrich their lives without hurting other people... and for them, sure it's serving it's purpose. In general, as a benefit to the world at large... I think like all human endeavors it's a wash. There's some good and there's some bad.


11. What happens to you after you die?


I have no idea.


12. Describe heaven and how to get there.


Well, I was taught that heaven was eternal communion with God and other faithful souls. My image is pretty much your standard Christian interpretation - lots of white fluffy clouds and singing. But I'm not sure I really believe in that anymore. Sometimes I think it must be some sort of non-physical place, just kind of floating around in the cosmos connected to everything.


13. What is the meaning of life?


42


14. Describe God.


In Bible study I was once asked to draw a picture of God and all I came up with was a blank piece of paper. I don't know if I believe in God in a strictly Christian manner anymore. I believe that there's something out there, something more than what we can see and touch. The Christian name for it is God. But does it care about individual lives? Does it really interact with us? Did it really send it's only begotten son that man may not perish but have eternal life? I don't know. I don't really think anyone can know.


15. What is the greatest quality humans possess?


The abilities to create and destroy human life. And I think we are entirely too careless in the use of these two great powers.


16. What is it that prevents people from living to their full potential?


Fear, social and physical constraints.


17. Nonverbally, by motion or gesture only, act out what you believe to be the current condition of the world.


*shakes head*
*shrugs*
*smiles*



18. What is your one wish for the world?


That the light will always be that much brighter than the dark is dark. That good will always be just that much stronger than evil. That justice will be done more often than not.



19. What is wisdom and how do we gain it?


Wisdom is understanding. Understanding why we do the things we do, understanding why other people do the things they do, understanding the effects of our own choices, understanding which things are beyond our control, understanding when to stand up and fight and when to let the world flow around us.

I think you gain wisdom by being watching, listening, talking, reading, experimenting, allowing yourself to be challenged, allowing yourself to be wrong, taking time to reflect and analyze what you've seen and heard and said and read and experienced.



20. Are we all one

No, but we are all connected.


TAG: Code Watermelon

Rebel gets Rebelious

People often* ask me how I got the nickname Rebel. Well, gentle reader it's because of days like today:


I am NOT going to take a shower this morning!


That's right ladies and gentlemen. I've been taking 2-3 showers a day for I don't know how long and I'm done.** I am just not going to take a shower this morning. I've put on my shorts & tank*** top and I'm on my way.


FIGHT THE MAN!****





TAG: Code Bananas





* and by 'often' I mean 'never'

** I will probably take a shower as soon as I get home.

*** and swimsuit, as I'm headed to the beach right now.

**** I have no idea who 'the man' is.

Dirty Old Men Business English Class

My Dirty-Old-Men-Business-English class is drawing to a close. This is one of my favorite classes. They are not actually dirty-old-men, but they do tease me, and each other quite a bit. For example the time I had them play the "Don't say yes or no." game. Basically someone sits at the front of the room and the rest of the class fires yes/no questions at them while, as the name of the game implies, they try to say anything other than "yes" or "no". Well, the oldest and quietest of the students got up to the front and the guys started with the questions:

Q "Do you love your wife?"
A "I think so."
Q "Do you have a girlfriend?"
A "Sometimes."
Q "Are you wearing underwear?"
A "A G-string."
Q "Do you have a condom?"
A "Used last night."

I was laughing so hard I was crying, occasionally pulling myself together to correct questions
" 'Do you like ladyboys.' not 'Is you like ladyboys?' "


I've been teaching them since October... possibly September even, and next week will be the last class. They'd finished the book well early and for the last three classes I had pulled together activities from supplemental Business English books. But today, after spending about three hours searching through half a dozen resource books for something interesting and relevant to teach them, I gave up and decided to have a little fun.


I found an activity for writing a love story. It was, like most of my improvised lessons, a bit of a dud... but I think some of the guys had fun with it. At one point I was walking around looking at the students' papers when one covered his up and said... "Don't look, it's dirty, dirty." Given that the subject was romance I feigned a little shock and said "Oh no! I don't want to read it if it's dirty." While one of the students seemed to understand me, the original student didn't so I asked "What do you mean by dirty." and he pointed out different places where he'd scribbled out words and rewrote them in the margins etc. I explained that in America, "dirty" can also mean "very sexual." and he responded "oh no no... not like that". The first student however turned to me and asked "Why is that? Why do you say 'dirty' for sex?"


Oh man. This is why you should never joke around with your students! How exactly do you explain America's hypocritical and puritanical attitudes about sex in two minutes or less using only Elementary English? I chose to go with a historical /geographical approach- briefly discussing Victorian England, the Puritans, the Bible belt, the rural/urban dichotomy of morals, and interestingly, the Mormons. I used the phrase "crazy" a lot. They understand "crazy." He just looked at me like I was speaking nonsense. And I was. As a culture, our attitude towards sex makes no sense at all.


At one point he said "But you don't think that..." Gah! This is not a conversation they prepared us for on the CELTA! I went with "Actually, I was raised that way." and told him that my sister's wedding (at a Baptist church in North Carolina) they were not allowed to kiss during the ceremony. But then I reassured him that my city was pretty liberal - you could stay with your boyfriend if you wanted to, you could be gay, anything was pretty much okay. That seemed to satisfy him, so I quickly extricated myself and continued on with the class.


I'm going to miss this class. They are easily my most fluent students, and the most fun. But I am probably not going to miss the surprise personal questions about my moral upbringing!


TAG: Code Sticky Rice

August is insanely busy for me, 30+ teaching hours a week is pretty brutal. I've already had five 12-hour days this month, and more to come. CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!

Oh wait... that's right, I don't have a bathtub.



Or hot water.



=/

The mundane...

Well, I made it. I've officially lived abroad for one year.

I've been thinking about what I would write for my anniversary post for a while now, and had a bunch of different ideas: a best & worst list, the year in pictures, an update on my initial goals, a flash-back to some of my earlier posts, or you know a list of all the profound things I've learned and the deep and meaningful ways I've changed in the past year. But none of it was sticking.

The truth is, after a year the novelty has worn off and you're left with the mundane, the ordinary, the everyday, the redundant. ;) So here it is... a list of the most boring, unromantic, and normal observations I've made while living abroad.

1. People are the same everywhere. Yeah, languages, culture, attitudes and experiences may all be different, but at a core level we're all the same. Some people are nice, some people are mean, some people are ambitious, some are lazy. Little kids are naughty, and teenagers dress like freak-shows. Most people just want a good job, time with their families, and a few beers at the end of the day.

If you include the hands, there are people from five different countries represented in this picture.

2. Traveling doesn't make you a better person. I've met some travelers here who left home with nothing more than a backpack and who've spent months exploring the world, meeting new people, eating new foods. Sure they're adventurous... they're also functional alcoholics. And contrary to what Mark Twain would have you believe, racist ideology actually can survive in the face of international travel. Don't even get me started on the sex-pat issue. Some people really are on a spiritual or intellectual quest, eager to see what's out there in the world beyond their backyard. But I think it's like any other experience in life, you will get out of it what you put into it.



3. Pictures lie! They lie lie lie lie lie! Every gorgeous scenic picture you've seen on my blog has been cropped to exclude: garbage, chubby retirees in speedos/bikinis, garbage, anything sinfully American like a KFC or 7/11, garbage, boring but utilitarian buildings, garbage, crowds of other tourists taking pictures of the same damn thing, garbage and/or garbage cans. Yes, the beautiful places exist... but they always look just that much better in pictures than in real life.

oooohhhhh .... aaaaahhhhhhh

Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww

4. The more 'exotic' a place is, the more likely you're going to have to use a squat toilet. There is nothing 'exotic' about trying not to pee on your shoes.



5. There's no such thing as 'exotic'. For the people who live there, it's just called 'life'.

6. The women are no more attractive here than back home. It always amazes me that Western guys come to Thailand for the lovely Thai ladies, but then my male students all talk about going to Japan or the Caribbean "where the women are beautiful". Good lord - never happy are they? Well, Thailand hasn't quite caught the obesity trend that's affecting Western countries, so the majority of the population is at a healthy weight. And I do mean healthy, only a few of the girls are disproportionately skinny for their height. But there are still a fair few fat folks here. Beyond that, some people are just ugly. Most people have either acne / acne scars, bad teeth, frizzy hair, split ends, lazy eyes, flat chests, cellulite, hairy legs, mosquito-bite welts, skin lightening / make-up gone wrong, atrocious fashion sense, or other flaws. In other words, most people just look NORMAL!

7. You can get internet access just about anywhere. Monks use cell phones, rice farmers have satellite TV, kids on the songthaew listen to their MP-sahms*.



8. Spicy food = spicy diarrhea.


9. My street smells bad. There's a garbage sorting / recycling center type place, then there's the restaurant's garbage cans, not to mention the sewer going all along the street. Gah. There are all these beautiful flowers trailing along fences - it looks gorgeous, but every once in a while you get the nastiest odors wafting by.

10. No matter how far from home you are, it all comes with you. Deeply set insecurities, childhood fears, everyday anxieties... all of it is packed right there in your brain.** It can all be held at bay for a few months as you try to get settled in a new place and you're only focused on procuring food & shelter; when you're so busy with new sights & experiences that you can't even absorb it all. But as soon as you get comfortable again, you'll find that whatever you were running from is right there waiting for you.


And now you have bad hair too.


TAG: Code Watermelon

* sahm = 3
** wish they could scan for *that* kind of baggage at airport security.

Sort of beefy

There's a scene in Doctor Who when the Doctor takes Rose and a tag-along (can't remember his name, not Ricky) well into the future. While there, Rose stops for a snack - a beverage of sorts that she sips with a straw. When asked how it tastes she replies with an amused smile "Sort of beefy." The tag-along was suitably disgusted, but Rose just laughed.*

And Rose's attitude is exactly what you need when you travel. I like beef. I like shakes. Beef-shake? Why not? So I channeled the spirit of the Bad Wolf herself when I saw these bad boys.



Chicken curry donuts. Yup... CHICKEN.... CURRY..... DONUTS!

They taste about as you'd expect, very sweet and donuty on the outside, mildly spicy chicken curry filling on the inside. And actually, they're pretty good. This is the second time I've gotten them.

I think the trick to eating in Thailand is to avoid the uncanny-valley of foods. If it's traditional Thai food it's good. If it's radically weird food like chicken curry donuts, you can judge it on it's own merits... having no preconceived notion of what a 'good' chicken curry donut would be. It's when Thailand tries to do Western food that you get problems!


TAG: Code Watermelon

*I'll bet Rose stopped laughing when the beef-shake hit her intestinal track!

Flora

In addition to taking an art class, it would have been nice to learn a little botony before coming to Thailand. There are gorgeous flowers everywhere, and I don't know the names of a single one. If you do - please enlighten me.

1.

eta: Bougainvillea

2.




3.

4.

I love the bee in this one.

5.

Hybiscus!

6.

These are my absolute favorites. They just look so sturdy and fragile at the same time.

That's all... just pretty flowers.

TAG: Code Watermelon.

Rebel stikes fear in the hearts of men.

There are few better ways to get established in a neighborhood than to become a teacher. Every month I start new classes (and finish older ones) and get to spend a few months interacting with people on a friendly if not especially personal way. I have met literally hundreds of people since coming to Rayong. Do I remember all of them? Not by name, no. But I do recognize faces I see around town and can generally remember where they worked and/or which class they were in.


Yesterday I was hanging out at the mall when I bumped into a former student from one of my Elementary classes. Usually when I see a student outside of the school I try to at least greet them in Thai, but this time I was so surprised to see him that I just automatically said "Hi! How are you?" The poor guy snapped to attention and replied by rote "I'm fine thank you, and you?"* I smiled and said "I'm good, I'm good!" And then every bit of English he'd ever learned fell right out of his brain "You...where ... do.... wha..." I waited a couple seconds to see if he could get a sentence out, but it just wasn't gonna happen.


It was like I'd sprung a pop quiz on him right there in the middle of the mall. I mean, he looked like he might actually faint. "It's okay, it's okay." I reassured him, and we both just burst out laughing. While he wasn't the strongest student in that class, I knew he could do better than that.** And certainly he can understand more English than he could produce on the spot. So I told him I was going shopping then 'bai gin kow' (go eat rice) because at last some Thai popped into my brain, then said good bye and put him out of his misery.


It was just funny. I had no idea that my mere presence could be that intimidating.










TAG: Code Watermelon


* He did not learn this from me, but rather from the Thai teachers he would have had growing up in school. I make it a point to teach my students, during the first or second class how to answer the question using "I'm: good, ok, so-so, not so good, not good" and for more advanced students "bored, tired, busy, in a good mood/bad mood" and whenever necessary "I have a hangover."

** I promise, I do make them do role-plays in class, but most of the questions we cover at his his level are of the introductory variety "What's your name? What's your job? Where do you come from? Where do you live?" Perhaps I need to start doing role-plays for 'running into Teacher outside of Starbucks'. ;)

Oishi!

Last night I went over to Jeb & Gum's place for dinner. The Japanese teacher (let's call her Wasabi- she has quite a spicy side) from Jeb's other school wanted to learn to cook, so she and I both hung out in the kitchen with Gum.



I'm not sure I actually learned how to cook anything. Mostly I did a lot of chopping of herbs. I tried to jot down some notes about how to cook everything but that was futile. For the Panang Curry my notes say "oil, prik-gang panang, fry chili paste, add coconut milk, thicken, add beef - cook, add coconut milk, add basil leaves - pork soup flavoring, brown sugar, salt-kem, ahjinimoto (a Japanese seasoning of some sort), brown sugar, mancoot leaves, sweet peppers"... I have a feeling that's not quite going to get the job done when I get home. =P


Gum was just doing what most cooks do in the kitchen. Throw in a bit of this and that, taste, a little more of this... there's no recipe, no measuring cups, she just knows how to do it. I'm more of a baker than a cook, but I'll do some experimenting when I get home.


I will say that I was AMAZED by her ability to make a Thai feast using a fairly modest amount of counter space and one electric wok. She even timed it out well, first chop all the ingredients, then cook the meat for the pork salad (moo yam) and let it cool before starting the curry. Mix together the ingredients for the omelet (kai jeaow) while the curry is cooking. Plate the curry & start the omelet, then mix together the salad. It took a few minutes to get everything on the table.. but it was well worth the wait.

The reason men come to Thailand.

We had a lot of fun, it was so hilarious... three girls with three different native languages all cooking together. Through the basic Thanglish being used, I learned the Thai words for "salty" "sweet" and "garbage" and was pleased that I could understand when Wasabi kept saying "I'm hungry, I want to eat!!!". My favorite expression of the evening (and new diet motto) was something Gum kept saying ... I'll never get it right but something like "Gin gadai, you die, gin mai di."- "Eat whatever, when you're dead - you can't eat." My second favorite expression of the evening was "Oishi" (Japanese for 'delicious') which we all exclaimed repeatedly.

kai jeaow goong

I had intended to get a nice picture of the table all set, but completely forgot in my eagerness to start chowing down. There were six of us (the boys, naturally, stayed upstairs drinking while the girls cooked) and the meal was thoroughly enjoyed by all.

Oishi!

TAG: Code Sweet Chili Sauce

The end is nigh...

According to a series of ones and zeros in various points of cyber space... I have a plane ticket home! Yup. The end is in sight.

I finish my teaching contract at the end of September. When trying to figure out exactly when to come home, the date November 12th popped into my mind and just kind of stuck. It gives me plenty of time to travel and still gets me home in time for Thanksgiving. I'm not gonna lie... I simply could not tolerate the thought of another Thanksgiving without stuffing, gravy & turkey. Seriously!

I'm flying into San Francisco, and will spend some time with a friend there* before heading up to Oregon on the train. I will be spending Turkey day with a friend in Salem (I've spent this holiday with her family before and am confident that the appropriate trimmings will be provided). I'm not entirely sure how long I'll spend with her, but the general idea is to be back in Portland around the 1st of December.

At the moment I'm trying to plan out what I want to see & do before I get home. I know I'll be going back to Chiang Mai at some point. It will be awesome to go back to my old stomping grounds now that I actually have half a clue what's going on. And I know I want to spend a good long time on various beaches... but beyond that... no idea. Any suggestions?


TAG: Code Sweet Chili Sauce


*provided this friend actually still exists....cough cough... J!

Rayong

My mood has been on a steady upswing the past couple of days. While culture shock definitely played a part in my last grump-fest there were some physiological contributors as well. After getting back on my thyroid meds, rearranging my furniture and making an attempt at getting some level of exercise (ie - not immediately crashing on my bed as soon as I get home), I'm doing significantly better.


Today was an easy day, only one class from 1pm - 2:30. My five year old student. Private lessons with kids haven't been as horrible as I had anticipated. It is a bit like baby sitting, which isn't that much fun, and the 5 year old can't sit still for very long. But the books are okay. One of them comes with a CD of songs, chants & dialogue. Basically we sing and dance to two songs in the beginning, do a lesson that includes listening to and repeating what the CD says, do a craft or fill in some work book pages, play with the flash cards, do some actions (get on the bus, sit down, stand up, get off the bus), then it's snack time. In adult classes, when the staff brings coffee in I just keep teaching, but with the kids, I just let it be snack time. Then another game or work book page and it's time for the clean up song & goodbye song. As annoying as it is to have the clean up song stuck in my head "It's time to stop, clean up. It's time to stop, clean up. It's time to stop, clean up. Put our things away." the songs eat up a good 10-15 minutes of class time, which is just fine with me.


Having a later class allowed me to go to the B&B for a leisurely breakfast of a Thai omelet, rice & soup (it's like a chicken broth or similar with cilantro and some other herb type thing in it). And finishing early meant that after class I had some time to sit at the coffee shop reading through my guidebook and getting some ideas for my final tour.


The coffee shop owners were watching TV, a surreal, but highly entertaining, experience for me. At first I wasn't paying attention, but then I noticed that I kept hearing vaguely familiar songs that seemed strangely out of place. It turned out that the Thai soap opera they were watching was using songs stolen from the soundtracks of other movies. Some background music from Amelie for example, something from one of the Jane Austen adaptations (Emma, I think, but it was over before I could totally place it), and most bizarrely... the theme from The Simpsons Movie. While each piece seemed at least moderately appropriate to the scene in the drama, hearing such recognizable and disparate songs all thrown together like that - it was like someone had just selected a "soundtracks" playlist and set it to shuffle.


Next was a talent show for kids. Two different groups performed lip syncs to the Wonder Girls' song "Nobody", which...I'm not even sure has made it outside of Asia (the band is Korean) ... but it is HUGE here. At the end of one of the performances, the host interviewed the girls. One of the girls sang a bit of the song in Korean - impressing the host and audience alike. But then he asked her "Kow jai mai?" (... do you understand it?) to which she responded "Mai kow jai." (don't understand) and I cracked up.


It was such a treat to be finished with work while there was still daylight, so I had an early dinner then decided to walk to the park. Something I always mean to do, but never get around to. I'd been once or twice, but always at odd hours. This was the first time I'd come at prime-time. Apparently EVERYONE goes to the park after work. I have never seen a park so completely crowded with people before. There were tons of games going on - basketball, badminton, soccer, and even ta-kraw

Ta-kraw is like hackey-sack on steroids. The idea is to kick the ball into the net.

In one area of the park I saw some people practicing Ballroom dance - seriously, I think it might have been a waltz. In a nearby area a man was practicing a fan dance. Across the park in another corner there was a step-aerobics class going on. Surrounding the soccer field was a walking/jogging track and there was an absolute shit-load of people on it. I couldn't believe it... actual traffic, like you really have to watch before you step into the flow. I'm not much of an athlete, and I wasn't quite dressed for exercise - in a button down top & flip flops, a purse flung across my chest, but walking I can handle. I was having a good old time walking around, completely absorbed in people watching and delighting in the idea of all these people who stop off to exercise together between work and home. Until I looked down and noticed that somehow 3 of the 5 buttons on my shirt had come undone. LOVELY! Fortunately everyone on the walking track was going the same direction, so it's possible that not everyone in the park saw me flashing my pasty white stomach.

Having swiftly but casually redressed myself I continued walking. I was watching people jogging with their toy dogs, granddaughters copying their grandmother's stretches, couples chatting, when suddenly I heard the beloved sounds of my native language. Someone was talking about ice cream. And sure enough, demonstrating the small-town nature of Rayong, the person speaking was an English teacher who works part time at my school. I'd only chatted with Annie (a Filipino woman about my age) a couple of times, but she'd always been friendly. I joined her and her sister and we walked several more laps together.

As much as I enjoy my alone time, it is nice to run into a friendly face so casually. Even better, she started complaining about her phone service... she's always calling her family back home & she keeps running out of minutes. I asked her if she had an unlimited plan and she said she did... but that it kept getting used up after two weeks. I asked her if she had DTAC and yup! She's apparently got the same "unlimited" plan for phone calls that I have for the internet. It made me feel sooooo much better to hear that I wasn't the only one who had had problems with their concept of "unlimited". But I told her what I'd learned about how you need to have the money on your phone the day *before* it expires in order to continue the plan and suggested she call the call center to get sorted out. I cannot even express how much better I felt knowing that it wasn't just me being retarded about my phone.

So that was my day. And it was a good day. Now that I've sorted out when to go (& what not to wear) to the park... I'll be going again.


TAG: Code Sweet Chili Sauce.

Craftiness

In response to all my whining Melissa asked a very good question:

What I have often wondered is: do you miss crafting at all? From what I can tell you haven't done any sewing or knitting this entire year. Just curious.

Yes, yes I do miss crafting. Tremendously. Intensely. Heart-achingly. I miss my quilts, I miss my fabrics, I miss my yarn*, I miss my needles, I miss my hatboxes full of crafty odds & ends. I miss Peggy (I had only just started breaking her in!), I miss all of it. One day Bobby was hanging out in my room and I made her look at pictures of each and every quilt I'd made... every hat, sock or scarf I'd knitted... even several works in progress. She was an amazingly good sport about it.** I miss my crafts a lot. I am consoled only by the fact that my beloved stashes & WIPs are well protected in the highest tower of Castle5000, presumably encircled by briers and guarded by a dragon or two... or you know at least the cat and a couple dust bunnies.

My life in Thailand is not especially well suited for textile crafts. Although I have a fair amount of free time, without a couch or a TV I just can't get into my knitting zone. As for quilting - I don't even have a bookshelf, let alone a closet to store any kind of fabric stash. Then there's the heat/humidity factor. I can not get inspired to make anything even remotely 'cozy' in this climate. If I were living here indefinitely, I would have made more of an effort to create a good crafting space... but for a year, it just wasn't worth it.

Which is not to say I haven't tried! Check it out:

The world's simplest dishcloth pattern, garter stitch corner to corner.

These were intended as Bunny & Bobby's Christmas presents, and I actually started the first one after Thanksgiving (back in OR they wouldn't have taken more than a evening in front of the TV each) but I only just finished the second one.... last week. =/ I'm telling you, it's hard to get into a good comfy knitting position without a couch!!






But my lack of quilting / knitting doesn't mean I haven't been creative. I've done a little decoupage***:

I'd tried hanging up curtains with stick-on hooks - half of which fell down, and double sided sticky tape - which wouldn't hold the fabric, and finally thumb tacks which were murder to pound into the frame and didn't hold up the fabric either. And finally resorted to cardboard. The idea was to make a bunch of pretty pictures to block out the screaming 6am sunlight ... but I gave up after I realized they wouldn't even cover the entire height of the window.

This tin holds a bunch of stickers, stamps and colored pens. I was using it for postcard writing but it's not exactly a practical item to bring with me every time I go to the beach. =P

Finally, I've tried to do a little drawing and painting. *Tried*. You know, the Thai education system may not be up to Western standards in many areas, but let me tell you - they kick our pasty white asses in the arts department. The first time I asked my students to draw something, I was blown away. I had been quite proud when my crudely sketched figure came out with the appropriate number of limbs and digits. But their pictures were manga quality, complete with shading, facial expressions and interesting poses. It was hardcore. Even the younger students can draw all kinds of cartoon figures. Of course, this is something they do for fun (and often when they should be paying attention to a grammar lesson!), but the kids really do take drawing, painting, dance and music classes. It's almost as if Art were an actual discipline here. What a concept!!!!!!!




I, on the other hand, had minimal training in art. I'm so disappointed in my limited abilities. There's just so much inspiration, the teal green ocean, palm thatched bamboo huts, golden temples, tropical fruit trees, elephants in the street! There's so much I want to capture and I just can't. My brain doesn't know how to translate the three dimensions I see onto two dimensional paper. My hand cannot accurately produce the shapes I do see. I'm unfamiliar with the tools, the materials of these art forms. Why would you use watercolors vs acrylics vs oils? How do you create the reflection of sunshine on the ocean using just pencils? Why are my circles always so lumpy? I'm completely out of my element. I've vowed to take a painting or drawing class when I get back to the states. It's a sin to be someplace this beautiful without at least a little artistic skill.





Nevertheless, I have not and will not let lack of talent stop me from playing... from creating *something*. Because the only greater sin would be to not even try.

The top three are on Ko Samet, Sai Kaow beach. The bottom two are from the mainland looking out at Ko Samet. Signed prints are not yet available... but I'll keep you posted. ;)

TAG: Code Watermelon

* I actually brought two skeins of dishcloth cotton, and a few skeins of sock yarn with me - including one skein of Socks That Rock in the Knitters Without Borders colorway. I'd had this profound plan of making a scarf or socks or something- knitting on it at various tourist sites, then bringing home my well traveled FO and regaling everyone with my tales of knitting without borders. Very shortly after arriving I realized it was a bit of a lost cause. I'm just not that kind of knitter. But Sheila, the only other woman on my CELTA course turned out to be a knitter from Australia, so I gave the yarn to her. I may not be a knitter without borders, but I am and will always be a stash enabler. =P


** This may be because I told her she could use my computer to check her email as soon as we were finished. ;)


***in my mind 'decoupage' translates to 'gluing magazine pictures to anything not currently breathing'

WTF was I thinking?

I've decided that there's nothing wrong with my life that the judicious application vitamin V won't cure (Vodka that is). Nevertheless, I have decided to go forth with more whining.

WTF was I thinking? Seriously folks... what was I thinking? Can anyone tell me why I thought I'd enjoy spending a YEAR abroad? And in fact, I don't have my plane ticket yet, but if I stick to my current plan, I will have spent a full 15 months abroad. Basically I left when I was 33, I'll be returning when I'm 35. WTF?

Half my (female) friends have either had babies or will have babies by the time I get back. I'm not talking one or two... at last count there will be something like EIGHT new babies in my various circles of friends when I get back. EIGHT!!! One friend started grad school, two got married and another one just got engaged. (edited to add... my point is not that I'm jealous or that I wish somehow I were doing this instead of being here.. my point is that my friends are having important life events and I'm missing them. I would have liked to have gone to the baby showers etc. Sorry I was totally unclear in my whining here. ;) )

While I absolutely needed to go abroad, and I wanted to go for long enough to really get a feel for a place... a year is seeming like a mighty long time. I think I hit my stride at about the 8-9 month mark...I was looking good, feeling good, drinking a LOT, basically having a good time of things. It's been dragging a bit since then... mostly because Bunny & Bobby are gone. They were replaced by two guys who don't seem the least bit interested in making friends with anyone. One is a fairly young American guy who's basically lived in Thailand since he graduated from college. He's quite settled, speaks Thai fluently and is barely cordial. He comes in five minutes before his class, grabs his folder and off he goes. The other new teacher is a middle aged German guy whose conversation skills leave quite a bit to be desired. He seems nice enough but I get the impression that he's one of the guys who came to Thailand because he couldn't get laid in his homeland.

With such an unsatisfactory potential social circle, things have gotten fairly boring. As one office gal's boyfriend so aptly put it when the girls first left "You're sad. You have no friends."

I know if I really needed to, I could break my contract and just leave... but I don't really have anything specific waiting for me in Portland so it's not like there's any real rush for me to return either. I'll stick it out. I'm just going to need a lot more vodka.


TAG: Code Fish Sauce

blah blah blah

I have a lot I want to talk about but I just don't know what to say.





My internet access ran out again today.... so much for the unlimited plan I fairly *begged* to have reinstated last week. After nearly breaking down in tears in the middle of Starbucks I called the call center and figured out how to (in theory) have unlimited access for the next four months (as long as I intend to be in Thailand). I nearly had an anxiety attack walking back up to the DTAC office upstairs. You have no idea.... no idea (I mean, unless you've tried to do something beaurocratic in another country where you don't speak the language) how stressful this whole thing has become for me. But I think *I THINK* I've got it sorted now. We'll see. And now I've officially spent TWICE as much as I pay in rent on internet access this month. Ahhh... the price of addiction.





I'm having intestinal crisis #478 this week. Not entirely sure what I did this time since it's the opposite of my usual problems. I've got myself a couple liters of water and a box of All Bran though, so wish me luck. =/ And honestly I do know what the problem is. I've been more than a little irresponsible with my prescription drugs lately. Somehow I feel like old medical problems don't count in Thailand and stopped taking my thyroid meds when they ran out a couple months ago. No lectures... I went and got some more today.





I hate that everything is a chore here. The first time I tried to get my thyroid meds filled the motorbike taxi guy took me to something like five different pharmacies before we found one that actually had them. And the next time I failed pretty hard at trying to pronounce the name of the pharmacy and ended up walking quite a ways to get there. This time I got lucky... sort of. I showed the taxi guy my empty pill bottle and asked for the "kah yah" (pharmacy) and magically they knew which one I needed.



Once there, I showed the pharmacists the bottle, one of them grabbed the box of meds and consulted with each other for a minute.* They asked me how many pills I wanted... so I asked how much they cost. They said 10 baht, but I wasn't sure if that was 10 baht per pill or 10 baht per sheet of 10... I'd neglected to go to the ATM before we got there so I wasn't sure how much money I had on me and I just about had a math anxiety attack trying to figure the whole thing out. It ended up being 10 baht per sheet, so I could have stocked up... but I just got enough for the month. I don't want to think about next month.





I'm having food hallucinations. Every once in a while I smell something like fresh made bread, or bacon and eggs. I'll be sitting in the middle of class and can almost taste a corn muffin. The most common hallucination is toast.... like *good* toast, homemade sourdough bread toast with butter. It's so odd. They *have* bread here... it's just not that good. If it's not plain white sandwich bread (ala Wonder Bread), it's too soft and too sweet. Oh man... I don't even want to talk about it.





My hair is growing out... slowly but surely. I still hate it. I hate it almost every single day. It's just so.... bizarre, so unevenly cut. Even after two attempts at repairing it. Ugh. Half the volume of my hair is just below chin length, most of the remaining amount is somewhere between chin and shoulder length... then I've got like this scraggily thin layer of fairly long hair in the back. It all bounces up into ringlettes once it dries. It is hands down the most bizarre haircut I've ever had. God I hate it.





I've been watching pirated copies of Battlestar Galactica. Is it just me or did the whole thing go to hell in season 3? And has anyone listened to the podcasts / commentaries? I have never heard such a bunch of self-congratulatory egomaniacs in my life! My lord and if I hear them talk about the 'texture' of the show again I'll scream!**





I managed to convince my bank to reactivate my debit card and I actually tested it the other day. So I'll be buying my plane ticket soon... still trying to figure out exactly when. I haven't saved nearly as much money as I'd hoped (see internet fiasco above) so I'm not sure how long I can afford to travel. Given my current mental state, I'm not sure how long I *want* to travel.





Um... yeah. So that's life in Thailand.




TAG: Code Fish Sauce










*One thing I love about Thailand is the way pharmacies work. You can't buy much more than throat drops or Tylenol in the grocery store. But several maintenance-type medicines that would require a prescription in the States are available without a prescription at official pharmacies. I've been able to get both my thyroid meds and my asthma inhaler without seeing a doctor or worrying about an expired prescription. And when I had foot fungus I just showed my foot to the pharmacist and she gave me a good anti-fungal cream. So you can't just pick a bunch of meds off the shelf and try to self-medicate. But neither do you need to pay for unnecessary appointments with a doctor for routine ailments. It seems like just the right amount of control to me.





**Naturally I will be picking up season 4 next time I get paid. Don't judge me! I need to know how it all ends.

love is in the air

Last night I was at a fellow teacher's house - not one of my usual haunts - so when I got a motorbike taxi home, I wasn't totally sure he knew where my apartment was. As we were driving there was some 'discussion' about where I lived. And by discussion I mean I told him the wrong way to go and with much pointing and appologizing got him turned around again. The whole time he was asking me questions telling me something to which I could only respond "mai cow jai" (don't understand).

As we got near my apartment he said (in Thai):
"You stay here?"
- "yes"
"Do you stay here asdfaoiyuiy ?"
- "what?"
"Do you stay here with aoiyuiy?" he repeated, pulling over beside the gate.
- "Oh, no, no, stay here one person." I replied as I climbed off the bike.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
- "No no no... don't have a boyfriend, only one person." I said fishing through my purse for some money. As I handed him his fare he made his move.
"I love you." he said (in English) and smiled hopefully, bringing his hand up to his ear in the universal sign for 'call me'.


Gah. I really need to learn to lie... or at least how to say "Yes, I am married and my husband is at home polishing his gun collection right now." in Thai.

TAG: Code Fish Sauce

Progress Report: Language Skills

I've been here a while now, and I have to say, I'm disappointed by how little Thai I've learned. I had intended to take a class, and when that didn't happen, I promised to devote an hour a day to actively studying the language. Well, I broke and remade that last promise a dozen times. Despite the different books and resources I've purchased I am just *not* disciplined enough for independent study. I guess I'm not so much disappointed in what I've learned as I'm disappointed in myself for not devoting more time & effort to it. But even lacking any kind of formal study, I've managed to pick up a basic survival level of Thai.*

I can:

Greet people and exchange a comment about personal well being:
"Hello, how are you?"
- "comfortable / not comfortable / hot / cold / hungry / drunk"
- "I'm sick / I have a cold / I have a stomachache."
- "happy / sad"


Exchange a word or two about the weather:
"It's hot / It's very hot / It's raining" (really all you need to know to discuss Thai weather!)


Get where I need to go:
"Where are you going? / Where do you want to go?"
- "to work / home / to eat rice / to the beach / to Bangkok (other cities / stores etc.)"
"wait here five minutes"
"go straight"
"turn left" (interestingly, I never have to say "turn right." All of the places to the right of my apartment are well known by name. I only ever need to give directions when I want to go home again and I'm using a taxi driver who doesn't know my apartment building.)
"red light"
"go slow slow!"
"go fast fast!"
"Where is the bathroom?"
"here / there"



Make plans:
"I want to ..."
- "swim / walk / dance / eat / buy / speak"
"When?" (but I only understand the answer if it's a day of the week, yesterday, today or tomorrow, or a matter of minutes. I can't ask or understand the answers to "What time?" because times of the day are counted differently here.)
"Sunday is my day off."


Spend money:
"I want / I need / this one broken"**
"have / don't have"
"How much is that?"
- I know the numbers 1-20, and how to express tens, hundreds and thousands of baht.
"Expensive!"
"Pink / red / blue / green / black / white / big / small"
"big / small / a lot / a little bit"
"skirt / shoes"
"don't put" (... it in a bag)

Observe the local wildlife:
"What's that?"
- "elephant / cockroach / dog / chicken / pig / horse / rabbit / crocodile / tiger / cat / mouse / snake / water buffalo"
"Crocodile, don't eat me!"


Impersonate a kindergartner:
- read the alphabet (A-apple, B-ball) as long as I have a picture chart or flash cards to look at***
- sight-read and write the words "Rayong", "Pharmacy", "Chicken" and "Egg"



Communicate the depths of my ignorance:
"Say again?"
"not correct"
"cannot"
"I don't know."
"I don't understand."
"I don't speak Thai."
"I'm sorry!"


Eat!!!
"What would you like?"
- "Fried rice with pork / seafood / grilled chicken / sticky rice / plain rice (directly translated as "beautiful rice") / thick noodles / thin noodles / papaya salad with one chili and no crab / curry, not spicy / fried egg / omelet"
- "iced tea / hot tea / water with ice / Pepsi" (say what you will about globalization but it's nice that I don't have to learn the words for Pepsi, Coke, beer, or whiskey)
- "one plate / one glass / one bottle / one person / Yes damn you, I am eating alone. Do you have a problem with that, mutherf*#$er?" (ok, I can't actually say that last part in Thai, which is probably a good thing.)
"Delicious!"


Discuss politics:
"I'm an American person. / You are a Thai person."
"Obama is very smart."
"I don't like Bush."
"good / not good"
"it doesn't matter"


Have brief but meaningful conversations about the nature of romantic attachments:
"Do you have a girlfriend / boyfriend / friend with benefits?"
"Tell the truth!"
"Man has two women, not good"
"Want a good man, handsome, good heart"
"Kiss kiss"
"A fun game"
"Finished?"


Pose existential questions about the universe:
"Why?"



Yeah, it looks respectable when I type it all out like this. But I'm sitting at a cafe, and have been listening to the folks at the next table chat for a good hour and the only words I've been able to understand are city names, numbers, and the word 'person'. If I decide to travel abroad again I'll make it a point to take at least one formal class in the language before I get there... or maybe only travel to countries that use the Roman alphabet!


TAG: Code Watermelon


* survival level for someone who spends a good bit of each day surrounded by English teachers, English students, or the English speaking Thai staff at my school.

**You may notice the paucity of nouns on this list (with the exception of food items), it's surprising how seldom you really need to use them. When I buy something, I either take it off the shelf, point to it, or bring the broken one with me to the store.

***consonants only (there are 44!) I don't know the vowels by name (there are dozens) but know the sounds of two or three when I see them in a word I know.

Sweet land of liberty...

I got hit by a car again. It was just pulling out into the road so it was barely moving and I wasn't hurt at all, but still - as a pedestrian I may as well be invisible.


One of my students went to the US for a training in Pittsburgh. At our first lesson back I asked him a lot of questions about his trip. Where did he go? What did he eat? What was the weather like? It wasn't the most spectacular of trips, but he said he had a good time. He enjoyed going to a hockey game, and he drank plenty of Budweiser. He got to see some waterfalls (he said it was Niagara Falls but unless my geography is off - that's unlikely). And of course, he ate at a Thai restaurant nearly every night. He didn't have any particularly strong opinions about anything he'd seen or done. But when I asked him what he thought of the people he lit up a bit.


"When I go to the street... to walk across the street... the people in the cars, they stop for me. I thought - oh very good! I walk across the street, every car stops."


"Yes." I smiled, a tear of pride forming in the corner of my eye. "Yes they do."




TAG: Code Apple Pie

a three hour tour

Last Tuesday was the beginning of Buddhist lent. This marks the three month period when most 20 year old men become monks. I have nothing insightful to say about that, I've been woefully negligent in exploring the religion here.


But it meant that I got the day off work. In addition, my classes were canceled on Monday so I got an unexpected three day weekend! A few other teachers and I decided to go to Ko Samet for some R&R. One thing that we all wanted to do was go on a mini-cruise around the island. For 400 baht ($11.50) you get to spend the day sitting in well worn deck chairs on a delightfully decrepit boat, do a little snorkeling, visit a fish farm, have lunch on the boat and basically just chill out. I'd been wanting to do this for a while, but didn't quite have the guts to go alone so I was really looking forward to it.

Our more or less sea-worthy vessel.

The first inkling that we had that it wouldn't quite be all we'd hoped for was when we were delayed for about an hour by a rainstorm. No problem, we sat in a cafe sipping on cha yen and watching the clouds roll in over the water. I really enjoy storm watching, I have to say. And the monsoon winds were refreshing in the 90F heat. There was no talk of canceling the trip due to bad weather... something I love about Thailand (and Oregon too for that matter) - you just go for it. And as soon as it dried up a bit we were on our way.

Not far from the pier was our first stop - the fish farm! Now I'm not sure if this is supposed to be some kind of aquarium, or if this is where the island's supply of seafood comes from or what. There were some ugly looking silvery big headed fish, a sea turtle, and an impressive leopard shark.

I failed to get a single decent photo of the fish - that you can see anything at all in this picture is a tribute to Microsoft Picture Editor. =P

Back on the boat we began our three hour tour. Well, the weather started getting rough, and our tiny ship was tossed. There was lightning in the distance and watching the dark clouds roll in against the lighter skies on the other side of the island was quite spectacular. With a mighty ba BOOM the rains started again. Between the waves we were crashing into and the rain blowing into the boat I decided it was not the best environment for my brand new camera. You'll have to take my word for it... it was something!

It had let up a bit when we made our first snorkeling/swimming stop. Several of us took a flying leap off the side of the boat to go for a swim. It was actually warmer in the water than it had been up on the boat. Naturally ... the rain started up again, but we thought- what's the point of getting out of the water? We were already as wet as we were going to get... so we just stayed bobbing in the waves and screaming into the pounding rain. It was really really really fun. If you've never gone swimming in the rain, I highly recommend it. Yeah yeah... lightning and all... but you only live once.

They called us back on board for lunch - chicken kebabs, fried rice and fresh fruit. Yummy! Poor Marie wasn't doing that well. Even when the rain stopped the winds and waves were pretty strong (for the gulf of Thailand anyway) and she ended up yakking over the side of the boat. Never a dull moment!

When we stopped for the second snorkeling opportunity of the day the weather was substantially better, but the water was so cloudy we couldn't see anything. In fact, I was right on top of a coral covered rock and didn't realize it until I turned around and there it was, two feet from my face - and still so blurry it wasn't worth looking at. So again we just swam around, and jumped off the side of the boat a few more times.

A member of the fearless crew.

All told it was a lot of fun, and very relaxing. I would like to go again when the weather is calmer so I could actually see some fish. But any day I can be out in the ocean is a good day for me.

Especially if that day finishes up with a few drinks at the bar. =)

TAG: Code Sweet Chili Sauce

cranky pants

I'm cranky... there's nothing wrong really... I'm just cranky. In fact I had a pretty fantastic weekend. But I'm cranky now.


All I wanted to do today was sit at my favorite coffee shop and write but it just didn't happen. I had uninvited company. You know, sometimes it surprises me how much of an introvert I am. I mean, I get lonely and I like to spend time with friends - but I generally only want to be around people whose company I enjoy. I almost never want to be around people just to be around people. But it seems that my social group now contains people who *do* want to be around people just for the sake of not being alone, and it's taken me off guard a couple of times. Someone asks "What are you doing tomorrow?" and when I answer "I'm doing xyz." they immediately respond as though I've just invited them along. Now that I know they won't wait for an invitation, I know I'll need to say "I'm doing xyz ALONE tomorrow." But wow... I was completely blindsided... twice!


And at work I found out that I've been assigned not one, not two, but THREE new private classes with children. Two of the classes will be five days a week. So I will now be teaching children six days a week. I cannot adequately express how unhappy I am with this situation, although the office staff unfortunately got a taste of it. A word to the wise... if you need to deliver bad news to someone, do not do it as soon as they walk in the door after being out in 90+ degree heat, and while they are still carrying a 20lb backpack. Give the person a chance to get settled and sit in an airconditioned room for a minute or two. Gah! I seriously (although briefly) considered quiting over this, but once I did get to sit down for a minute in the teachers lounge I reconsidered. I'm only teaching here for another three months. Still.... three months with kids... I don't know. We'll have to see how this week goes.


Also my internet connection is acting up again, surprise surprise. =/ I think it's my phone this time, it disconnects whenever it or the USB cord is jostled in the slightest. I swear just removing my hand after pressing the 'on' button is enough to dislodge it sometimes. Don't get me started on what happens when I actually start typing. It would be one thing if it were just a matter of rejiggling the phone to get it to connect again, but once it disconnects I need to wait for my computer to acknowledge the device, then dial in again. I've had to reconnect about five times since starting this post. GAH!

Ok... that's enough of the crankiness. I have to be ready for bright and smiling children first thing tomorrow morning, so I'd better get to bed now.


Grrrrrlkjda adflkfdaf kids.


TAG: Code Coconuts

(it's not actually that bad, but I honestly have been browsing for flights home)

Independence Day

It's the fourth of July... and here that's all it is. I'm not going to lie. I'm sad. I'm really really sad. This is my favorite holiday. I am an unapologetic patriotic sap. I love the BBQs, I love the fireworks, I love going to minor league baseball games and heckling the outfielders. I regularly entertain myself by singing the National Anthem or America the Beautiful. I am very sad that I don't really get to celebrate it this year. Even if I wanted to, I don't really have any American friends here to celebrate with. The other American teacher called today and when I wished him a happy 4th he replied "oh, yeah, I forgot." without even a "yeah, you too"





So this year, I'm going to throw myself a pity party and tell you what I miss about grand old United States of America and why you shouldn't take them for granted.





1. Freedom of speech and freedom of the press.


There are topics I'm about bursting to write about here but simply won't. Yeah, there's a 99.9% chance 'the authorities' would never find out about it, but if they did there would be a genuine risk of being sent to jail. Not a risk I'm willing to take.





Censorship isn't as bad in Thailand as it is in many countries, but it is noticeable. Certain websites are blocked if they are considered 'immoral' or if they are disrespectful to the royal family. I've tried looking up things about Thailand on Wikipedia - an arguably neutral source - and run into road block after road block. There are all these protests going on right now and some significant speeches have been posted online... but I just can't access them. Certain movies have been banned, I'm sure a number of books have as well. Obviously there are ways around all of these censors... but still, it's such a shock to this American girl that I can't say or read whatever I want to.





Very nearly as important as that:


2. Western toilets. Toilets that don't require squatting, or a bucket of water to flush them. The ability to flush toilet paper down the toilet instead of collecting it in a foul smelling garbage can beside the pot.





3. Hotdogs in hotdog buns. You can get hotdogs, they are actually quite abundant here. You can buy them at the market, skewered on a stick and attractively snipped along the sides. You can also get them at 7/11. The clerk will helpfully slice them up, dump them in a plastic bag, cover them with sweet & sour sauce and hand you a stick to eat them with. I know they have hotdog buns here, I've seen them. I've just never seen them within fifty paces of an actual hotdog. Do you know what they do with them? They serve ICE CREAM in them! I swear to maude I am not making this up. I walked down the street and saw an ice cream vendor carefully placing two scoops of vanilla ice cream in a hotdog bun and handing it off to a delighted customer. OH THE HUMANITY!





4. Cheese.... I don't want to talk about it.



5. TV. I admit it. I admit it. I miss So You Think You Can Dance and Extreme Makeover Home Edition, PBS Documentaries, Lost, Food Network, all of it ALL OF IT! Yeah, of course they have TV here, but it's all in Thai. I've been stuck watching DVDs, and it's just not the same. If I were home right now I'd be parked in front of the TV and I'm just fine with that.


So you know, if you're lucky enough to be in the States right now go enjoy a hotdog (in bun), munch a bit of cheese for me, flip on the boob tube, go ahead and critique the president, and tonight when you sit on your porcelain thrown, know you're doing so in the greatest nation on Earth.


Or .... you know... at least my favorite one.

Happy Fourth of July everyone!


TAG: Code Apple Pie